It's the most *#@$ time of the year

 Thinking about what Christmas means, and has meant.

When I was a kid it was about magic, a season where folx were actively trying to be nice, where adults worked to create mystery and enchantment for children.  It was also about family dysfunction, guilt, with a side of crying and cursing from adults, and general anxiety and disappointment for the kids.  Jesus's birthday was a bit of a mess.

As a teen I realized that our extended family Christmas was a bit of a potlatch as well. Each family spent more money than they should; if you didn't go broke spending for Christmas, you were doing it wrong.  My mother and her siblings would compete to see who could give the gift most appreciated by their parents, or at least who could give the biggest and most expensive gift (my oldest aunt pretty much always won, and my mother generally came in dead last, hence the grown up tears).  

There was an emotional ritual around gift giving. Gifting to others did not involve asking the recipient what they wanted, no wish lists allowed.  No, instead, a gift was supposed to show how well you knew the recipient and could intuit the "perfect" gift.  As children we were specifically taught how to ooh and ah over a gift as we unwrapped it in front of the giver.  A simple "thank you" was considered rude and insolent.  We had to show (in person) how we were over the moon with excitement and gratitude.  This was most especially amusing/distressing when the gift was obviously a miss, and if you overdid it you risked not only rolling over into insolent/subversive sarcasm, you risked a smack or worse when you were back home as reward for embarrassing your parent.

Now as an adult, trying to figure out what to give my young adult children, I'm enjoying Christmas as a time to connect.  Gift giving becomes a chance to ask about what they need, want, what they'd like to be doing, and figuring out if there's anything we can contribute to that.  Gift requests on my part have become an invitation to notice what I'm interested in, or for my family to share with me their interests in a way they think I'd find engaging.  I don't find the gifts of Christmas to come with as much emotional baggage as they did when I was a kid.  I hope that means it's more enjoyable for my kids as well.

August 2020 - January 2021 Books

 The truth is that my attention has been wandering.  I find myself reading more articles and fewer books.  In part it's perhaps the intermittent openness and closedness of the public library, but my guess is that it's more these crazy times.  Pandemic, a wack-a-doodle as the national executive, the election, an armed gang of white supremacists terrorists storming the capitol building.... it's just all... a bit much.
Here's to more peaceful times in the future.

The Once and Future Witches, by Alix E. Harrow

American Gods, by Neil Gaiman (yes, again)

The Princess Diarist, by Carrie Fisher

Falling in Love with Hominids, by Nalo Hopkinson

The Tempest Tales, by Walter Mosley

When Marnie was There, by Joan G. Robinson

The Overstory, by Richard Powers

Lilith's Brood, series by Octavia Bulter

The Old Guard, by Greg Rucka and Leandro Fernandez

Born a Crime, by Trevor Noah

Freeloaders

 

Freeloaders kinda bug me.

I suppose to have a discussion about freeloaders you'd first have to define your terms, and "freeloader" is a pretty loaded term.  A quick internet seach turns up this

free·load·er

/ˈfrēˌlōdər/

Learn to pronounce

noun

INFORMAL•DEROGATORY

1. a person who takes advantage of others' generosity without giving anything in return.

 That works for me.  

Let's talk about who is not a freeloader.
I think we can all agree that while babies might meet the technical definition of the term, babies are not freeloaders.  Babies are wee humans who need us, who will learn, and grow, and are cherished members of our family.  Elders in care facilities might seem to meet that definition, but again, these are cherished members of our families and whose lives have contributed to our collective wellbeing. 
What about people who use social services like Medicaid, Medicare, SNAP, etc?  Nope, not freeloaders either.  These people are making use of public services that were created to support people in need.  Nearly every person who use these services are either adults who have worked and paid into these services, or are minors.  These services have been created to better conditions for all of us individually as well as our nation collectively.
Children attending public school?  Nope, not free loaders, citizens using a system we have decided benefits not just them but all of us.  An educated citizenry is better than an ignorant one.
Veterans using VA benefits?  Quite the opposite, there will never be enough to pay back what they have given to all of us.
You get the picture.

Let's talk about who is a freeloader.
That friend who "lets" you by his drink every single time, and never remembers his wallet when it's time to pay for dinner.  That one uncle who borrowed your car, crashed it, barely told you about it, never compensated you, and never brought up the subject again.  The friend who borrowed your treasured copy of The Hobbit, never returned it, and claims to have forgotten all about it... ya those folks are free loaders.

Who are freeloaders? 
 People who cheat on their taxes. 
Corporations that use our roads to ship their goods, hire citizens educated in our public schools,  then pay those workers so little that even a full time worker needs welfare to get by, and then use every loophole to pay as little tax as possible.
Millionaires and billionaires who got rich using our resources and our labor then pay off politicians to write laws that favor them even more. 
Politicians who get government paid benefits for life after making laws that they and their handlers will profit from.
A millionaire president who has paid $750 annual tax while signing orders that harm his own people - those are the freeloaders.

And I'm sick of it.

The only way our system works is if we all participate, accept our own responsibility, and meet our obligations.  A good citizen pays their taxes.  A good citizen votes.  Every single time.  

It's literally a basic obligation of being an adult part of our society.

VOTE

It's Just for Now

 I talked to a friend today.  She was trying to find the right educational place for her crazy bright 7yo.  She and her partner each work full time at jobs they both want and need.  Oh ya, and there's a pandemic on, and wild fires, and smoke, and a heated election, and protests, and and and and....  On-line school, even at a progressive public charter school, is not working for this kid.  (the busy work alone would be enough to make the kid crazy, but sitting still in front of a computer for that long?!? nope.)  They've got an interview for an in person private school 20 minutes from their house, if their virus protocols seem safe, should they enroll their kid?

I don't know the right answer.  All I could do was ask questions.  

How does it feel right now?  If  you were to enroll at the private school how would that be?  The commute?  The cost?  If you leave the public charter school could you get back in later?  What is your child telling you about what they're experiencing and thinking about their school?  If you chose to homeschool how would that feel?  How would it work?  How could you work?  What would your child do while you're working?

In normal times I might talk about how much social interaction their child needed, but it's not normal times, and none of us are able to get "normal" social interaction.  Even if schools are in person the safety protocols mean that kids can't play together they way they use to, so any concerns about socialization will have to be set aside for now.

For now the question is - what do the parents need to be functional, sane and safe?  What does the child need to learn, be safe  and sane?  Where those things intersect, do that.

Whatever parents decide to do right now?  It's fine.  Short of beating the children, do what you need to do to get by.  Keep your kids as safe as is reasonably possible in the midst of this maddness, but do it while taking care of yourself.  You matter, your health, safety, sanity, they matter, just as much as your kids.

Whatever you do, remember - it's only for now.  It will change.  In a year things will be different, and we don't know what kind of different.  We're all going to have to be flexible and resilient, ready to try new things, and to switch and try something different when that doesn't work.

Do what works.  If it doesn't work, try something else.  Wash, rinse, repeat.

It's only for now.

Jan - July Books !?!

• So, something must have distracted me this winter/spring/summer.... what could it have been?

So, I'm sure I've missed some books :-(

• 
  
  A Man Without a Country, by Kurt Vonnegut
• The Luster of Lost Things, by Sophie Chen Keller
• The Last Wish, by Andrzej Sapkowski
• Circe, by Madeline Miller
• Columbus Day (Expeditionary Force book 1), by Craig Alanson

Mort, by Terry Pratchett

Reaper Man, by Terry Pratchett

All God's Children Need Traveling Shoes, by Maya Angelou

It Can't Happen Here, by Sinclair Lewis

How to be an Antiracist, by Ibram X Kendi