Comedy Needed

I don't know about you but I need some humor in my life.

I made the mistake of listening to NPR as I did a lot of driving yesterday.  Don't get me wrong, I love me some NPR, but the news is more than I can take sometimes.

So I posted a request for comedy movies on FB, and my friends came through. (because my friends are AWESOME like that)

Back at the beginning of the pandemic Hot Dog started us on a Marvel movie marathon, then we did a Harry Potter marathon, then some stuff I didn't remember (edit to note at least some of it was 007 movies, and Bridge over the River Kwai),... right now we're three seasons in to Parks and Rec, which is a lovely show, but I'm ready for a break.  So I'm going to suggest a comedy movie marathon, and hope that since friends recommended them rather than me, Hot Dog will go a long with it.

So, with no further ado, in no order, and probably with some repeats, here are recommendations from my friends.  If you see something missing, let me know in the comments!!

Monty Python

Princess Bride

Young Frankenstein

Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure

Some Like it Hot

Dr. Strangelove

Airplane!

The Producers

Groundhog Day

Waiting for Guffman

Bringing up Baby

Any Chaplin film

Safety Last

The General

Steamboat Bill Jr.

Pee Wee's Big Adventure

In Bruges

Top Secret

Stripes

Galaxy Quest

The In-laws

The Lavender Hill Mob

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

Clueless

Its a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

Mr. Roberts

All About Eve

Being There

Heaven Can Wait

Office Space

What We Do in the Shadows

O Brother Where Art Thou

Raising Arizona

The Lady Eve

Little Shop of Horrors

Shaun of the Dead

The Lady Eve

Ninotchka

The Shop Around the Corner

Harvey

Arsenic and Old Lace

Naked Gun

The Thin Man (multiple movies in this series)

Roman Holiday

The Apartment

Trouble in Paradise

Top Hat

Singin in the Rain

Hot Fuzz

The Muppet Movie

Moonrise Kingdom

Flirting with Disaster

Sabrina

His Girl Friday

The Philadelphia Story

Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House

Superbad

Romancing the Stone

Adam's Rib

Miracle of Morgan's Creek

Spinal Tap

A Fish Called Wanda

Team America: World Police

Foul Play

Silver Streak

How to Steal a Million

Batman the Movie

Funny Farm

Amelie

Idiocracy

Planes Trains and Automobiles

Some like it Hot  (Marilyn Monroe)

Paris When it Sizzles (Audry Hepburn)

Love Birds

Palm Springs 

The Bird Cage

City Slickers

Shanghai Knights

It’s Complicated

Mr. Bean (movie series)

Young Frankenstein

Office Space

Space Balls

Harold and Maude

Waitress

Holy Grail

Amelie

Roberto Bernini (not sure of spelling)

Il Monstro 

Johnny Toothpick (Italian comedies)

Best in Show

Mediterranio (also not sure of spelling- Italian Fascisists occupying a Greek Island), Babette’s Feast (also falls into food porn genre)

Pink Panther movies

Mr Bean shows

all Monty Python

Outrageous Fortune

When Harry met Sally

Scott Pilgrim vs the World

RED (with Bruce Willis)

Tintin

The African Queen

Mastermind

The Incredibles

Pirates of the Caribbean

Something About Mary

A Fish called Wanda

Best In Show

Spinal Tap

Galaxy Quest

Eurovision (movie, new on Netflix)

It Happened One Night

Gunless

Second Hand Lions

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

Date Night

Hero (with Dustin Hoffman)

The Philadelphia Story

Trading Places

Big

Local Hero

The Holiday

Elf

My Man Godfrey

Son of Paleface

How to Marry a Millionaire

Ghostbusters

The Emperor's New Groove

Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

Best in Show

School of Rock

Kung Fu Panda

Rush Hour

Midnight Run

Silver Streak

Blues Brothers

Beetlejuice

Deadpool

Guardians of the Galaxy

Tucker and Dale vs Evil

Better off Dead

True Lies

Benny & Joon

Waking Ned Devine

Spy

The Fabulous Mr Fox

About Time

 Blast from the Past

Bedazzled

A Fish Called Wanda

The African Queen

Second Hand Lions

Groundhog Day

Big Fish 

What we do in the Shadows

Spies like Us

Long Shot

A Simple Wedding

Dioni and Devine Meet the Apocalypse

Bandits

The Secret of Walter Mitty (Ben Stiller)

Liar Liar

Water Boy 

Cable Guy

Series

Life in Pieces (Amazon Prime

Barry (dark comedy, HBO)

FX TV

Performers:
Anything with Tim Conway

Stephen Wright

The Amazing Jonathan

Not comedy but recommended

Greyhound (Tom Hanks)

train to Busan  (Korean)

Surviving adolescence (theirs)

14/15 is an .... interesting age for my boys.

Bit-Boy despised us for a while, in a pretty low-key way, especially after I had a talk with him about not challenging the silver-back.  At 20 he's back to thinking maybe his folks are ok.

Lego Kid, man, 15 was a killer for me.  He felt that I personally had ruined his life in every possible way, starting from birth until that very moment.  He also seems to have gotten over it (mostly),

And now, now it's Hot Dog's turn.  He's at the stage where he needs to be exactly opposite of whatever it is I am.  The other week he informed me that he is not a Unitarian Universalist.  I think I disappointed him, when as a good UU parent, I remained nonchalant.  His religion (or lack there of) is his business.  UU's think God is big enough to take it. Then a couple of nights ago he informed me that he will register as a Republican when it's time.  He looked defiant and hopeful.  When I agreed with the rational he shared, I disappointed him again.   I think he expected me to swoon, or swear, or something. (Imagining me making the sign of the cross and backing away from him fearfully perhaps?)

Then this afternoon on the way home from track practice...

I love that look of disgust on your teen's face when they realize that not only is Mom not shocked with your choice of music, but it is her jam.
And she can thrash, and will, while driving, you, in public.


Honey, I LIVED through the 80's.  Nothing you do is likely to shock or embarrass me.


You've got to

fight
for the right
to
par-tay!

Confession time

I have a dirty little secret.

I am not actually a nice person.  I try to be a nice person.  I act like a nice person, mostly because I try really, really, hard.  But  nice people don't actually have to try to be nice, they just are.  Deep inside I am a cold-hearted bitch.  I have been assured of that by more than one person. (Including my own mother, and you'd think she'd be in a position to know these things).


Take, for example, the crazy lady who verbally assaulted me at a recent church retreat.   She said I had been snubbing her, ignoring her when she waved hello, and turning my back on her in the social hall.  I honestly had no recollection of that and told her so.

She called me a liar, "You're not the only one.  Other people have been shunning me.  I know what I know.  And I'm very good with people, very good at reading them.  It's ok.  I'm over it now.  I know not everyone will like me."

It was my sense of humor that kept me in the moment.  I could laugh (internally!) at the discrepancy between her words and her actions. and use that energy to be kind to her, empathizing that it must have really hurt to feel excluded and asking what she felt would help.

What I really wanted to say was "Are we in fucking Jr. High?"  because that was the last time I had seen that kind of display.  As it turns out she had moved away for 3 years and had recently come back, and I didn't even notice (because, can we remember? I'm not actually that nice of a person).
In retrospect, she was probably right, I had been ignoring her.  Not ignoring her on purpose, but just -  not even noticing her existence, or lack there of.  Which, if you think about it, is even more insulting than making the effort to ignore her on purpose.

Here's what I do remember about her.  It was this same woman who several years ago during a shared meal on a group camping trip was trying to explain why it was so important that everyone should be vegan (like her).  It was impossible to change the subject, and finally she said "What if I ate your mother?"  Which made me laugh.  Unfortunately the image made me laugh out-loud, and my editor was so busy laughing too that I spoke, out-loud.

"Good luck to you!"

Lego Kid assures me that "The world isn't really ready" for my humor.
I beg to differ.  I'm funny, GDI.
I'm hilarious.  I'm a riot.
At least in my own head.

In the real world I'm too sincere and earnest, but in my head I'm snarky as all get out.
Lego kid tells me it's a good thing I don't generally say aloud everything that pops into my head.

He's probably right

Something's in the Air...

Something's in the air, and it's not just the sneezy pollen of springtime.

aside: Tree-sex is what Bit Boy calls pollen - I was going to correct him (his attitude, not his accuracy), but then I thought - he's right.  Pollen is tree-sex, and it's kind of funny that we breath it.  
Don't do that - agree with your teen - it just encourages them.  
Now he's calling our goose's eggs goose periods.   It kind of shines a different light on breakfast.

The last two days I've had long talks with 3 different people about education and homeschooling.  AND (drum roll) every single one of them was about how beneficial homeschooling is, despite the fact that all of the people I was talking to had kids in public schools, and 2 of the three are educational professionals.  I was sad they were not familiar with the works of John Holt, and happy that I could share his work as a resource for them.  I was pleased to find that they were familiar with the more recent writings of John Taylor Gatto.  These two touchstones could inform a lot more educators about where the future of education is going.

One thing all professional educators seem to know is that their profession is changing.  School has always been a mixed bag, a necessary evil, the attempt to make the best of a perceived necessity.  Standardized testing, class room management, and shifting parental and teacher roles have made public school a far different place than it once was - and even what it once was wasn't really all that stupendous.   Changing modes of communications - first books, and now the internet - have changed the roll of teachers.  Teachers are no longer the gate keepers to knowledge and skills.  Just about anything you want to learn to do has books, Youtube videos, several websites, and enthusiastic open source gurus waiting to help you.  Waiting to help you learn for free.  For. Free.

You don't have to pay for an education anymore.  You don't have to pass a test to get into the right class.  You don't have to be in the same country, much less the same room, as your teacher anymore.  The internet provides limitless access to the accumulated knowledge of the modern world.   Firelord taught himself to play Irish whistle using Youtube videos.  Bit Boy taught himself binary by reading an essay by Isaac Asimov.  Lego Kid is working through an online Python book.  I was looking for a welding teacher for Bit Boy last year and a friend who welds asked "Have you looked for some tutorials on Youtube?"  (Seriously.  I kinda didn't go there.  Something about the thought of my teen with a tube of flaming gas in his hand having only had a video tutorial for his training made me nervous.)

Today you can work at your own pace, whether that pace is quick or slow, focused or distracted.  You don't have to have anyone tell you whether you're ready or if what you want is appropriate for you.  You want to learn a new skill?  Do it.  Want to get better?  Practice.  There you go, now you know something new.  It's the ultimate education in a democratic meritocracy.

Is there a place for teachers in this new paradigm?  Is there a place for a brick and mortar school? 

Yes, but it's a very different role than before - or perhaps it's a very old role.   We admire those who do what we want to do, people who make things, who have useful skills.  We  still benefit from mentors.  We still like to hang out with people who have similar interests and abilities.  We are still social animals and so there is still a place for something we might call a "school."  But it's a very different place than what we think of school today.  It's not a place you are forced to go and told what to do once you're there.  It's a place you may choose to go (or not) and where there are people who have intellectual and physical resources you wish to access.   I see the future of school in Maker Spaces, Hacker Spaces, libraries and the Sudbury model.

Some would argue that you still need a college degree to get a good job, a real job.  For the moment that is still mostly true.  To be a physician, a lawyer, and most types of an engineer, yes, you still need a degree.  However, there are signs that the value of a degree is lower than it has been for generations.  And signs that the lack of a degree is not the hindrance it used to be.

Becoming a teacher in the future will mean first following your own passion, and if your own passion excites another enough for them to ask "how do you do that?!?"  then, and only then, will you have the opportunity to be a teacher.

April's Books

• Ten Little Indians, by Sherman Alexie
• The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fist Fight in Heaven, by Sherman Alexie
• Equal Rites, by Terry Pratchett
• Wyrd Sisters, by Terry Pratchett
• Let's Pretend this Never Happened, by Jenny Lawson
• The Ten Things to Do When Your Life Falls Apart, by Daphne Rose Kingma
• Leaning into Sharp Points, by Stan Goldberg

What a month.  Someday I may write more about it.

So book wise:

I am almost in love.  If I wasn't already happily married, with three wonderful children, and sterile, I would totally hunt down Sherman Alexie and make sure his genes were passed on. 
The lucky man is safe from me for above reasons. 
Also, I have no idea how to find him.

Terry Pratchett is brilliant, and I can't believe I didn't really discover him, or at least appreciate him, until last year. 

Let's Pretend This Never Happened was so funny it took me weeks to read it because it made me laugh too much.  Seriously.  People kept asking me "What?!?" and then I'd have to read the whole chapter out loud.  And they'd laugh.  And take my book.  Bastards.  (Well, not technically, since, oh, never mind)

The Ten Things to do book was (apparently) completely forgetable.

Leaning into Sharp Points was brilliant in an entirely different way than Terry Pratchett and Jenny Lawson.  I starting reading this expecting to have my father-in-law moving in with us.  He died, but by then I was half way through the book.  It was well worth finishing.  I learned a lot about living in this book about dying.

Now I am in need of more seriously funny or brilliant books.  Give me your suggestions.  (Not the books.  I love you and don't want you to spend your money on me.  Although, a HUGE thank you goes out to Shawn for the Jenny Lawson book, which was hand delivered to my door on a hard day.  I didn't know it, but I totally needed that.  :-) )

Gift of the Magi

Last weekend we went to see the opera "Gift of the Magi" ( by composer David Conte)

I loved the orchestration. It was lush and it almost had lyrics of its own. The vocal parts didn't move me, I like a melody.  I guess I'm rather pedestrian that way.  What really knocked my socks off, though, was the plot.

WTF, you ask.   The plot?  Like, didn't you already know the story?  It's O'Henry for Pete's sake.  It's a classic.

Yes.  I knew the plot.  My mother told us the story when we were kids, and I've read it as an adult.  My mother always emphasized how the point of the story was that they had a love so great that they would sell their most precious items to give each other a Christmas gift.  She was all about the sacrifice for love.

I'm not completely sure if it was her retelling, or just how I understood it as a child, but I hated the story.  I mean, really hated it.  Della and James are spendthrifts with a communication problem.  If they had just talked about it they could have avoided the whole mess.  Also, I was fine with Della selling her hair.  It was a renewable resource.  Any woman who thinks her hair, or any other physical feature, is her most prized possession is going to be in a world of hurt someday anyway.  Selling a family heirloom was a shame.  Spending the proceeds on frivolous things like combs and a chain was just stupid.  I've been poor.  I've been hungry.  Believe me there are better things to spend your money on.

However, in this show I walked away understanding that the point of the story wasn't that they sold their most prized possessions for love.  It wasn't about the sacrifice.

The point of the story was that they forgave each other for being idiots.

That, my friends, is the secret to true love.

Grrr...

My oldest appears to have brain damage.  Two days ago he knew x^1/2= sq.rt x, and now he doesn't.  He knew this months ago - what's up with that?

(sorry, I need to figure out how to do math equations when blogging - suggestions anyone?)

Also, he will come to me with a blank sheet of paper saying "I need help with my math"  before he has looked at his problems, or even dated his paper.  He gets mad when I tell him that he should at least copy the original problem before he comes to me for help.

This morning he came to me to ask for help doing the review (REVIEW!) problems at the end of a chapter that in itself is supposed to be review.  I was asking what I thought was a simple rhetorical question to talk him through the solution.
His answer?  "I don't know"
Another simple question from me. 
Not even pausing to think a moment, "I don't know". 
Really?  OK.  "Have you read the chapter?"
"No." 
Aghhh! 

My final response was "Go re-read the chapter.  Find a similar problem.  Work through it.  Try the original problem again.  Come to me if you still don't understand."

I am finally empathizing with all those irritating people who tell me "I could never do that" when they learn we homeschool.  Usually I just smile and say, "It's not for everyone" when what I really mean is "If you wanted to homeschool you could, but it's fine that you don't want to."  Yes.  I'm that awful and pompous, but hopefully only in my head.

It's kind of like when I had only one child.  He was a sweet quiet child.  He had a mellow temperament and made friends easily.  He never bit anyone (but me), didn't pick fights, didn't scratch his privates in public, you know... he appeared to be a near perfect child.   I thought to myself, "If everyone parented like me, they too could have a child as lovely as this."  (To all those who had to stand next to me when I was thinking these pretentious thoughts, I'm sorry.  Really, really, sorry)

Then I had a second child.  Oh. My. God.  From the beginning this child was different.  He was colicky.  He was intense.  He was not mellow.  He was not easy. He hit and bit and cried - a lot.  Nothing I did changed his temperament.  I learned something I would have never known had I had only one child.  My first child was easy.  My second child was not.  It was that simple.

Now they've both grown.  My second child is 11.  He is still intense, and the most intorverted person I know (and that's saying something).  He is also sweet, kind, and sensitive.  He is empathetic and insightful enough that, to the gullible, he seems psychic.  He is now almost an "easy" child.

My oldest is 14.  He is moody, withdrawn, and not all that interested in pleasing anyone who isn't a teen.  Little I do pleases him.  My existence is, honestly, an embarrassment.  There are so many things wrong with his life right now.  He is furious that we would take family holidays but not spend $300 to buy him a program he wants.  (We have given him the option of working for pay to get it, but that's not appealing apparently.)  His brothers breath near him.  Right now, he's not an easy child, and I need bonus points for letting him live some days.

Sometimes you have an easy child, sometimes you don't.  Sometimes homeschooling is easy, sometimes it isn't.  It's that simple. 

Also - we've created a new acronym - SYW. 
Really. 
Show Your Work.
I say this everyday.  Everyday.  But does he do it?
No...sigh.. no he doesn't.  "I don't need to, the answer is obvious."
 Riiight... how did you get the wrong answer then? 

See me not strangling him?  Good on me.

Not really writing much

I know it's been a long time since I wrote something for real.  It's not that I don't have anything to say.  I have a lot to say, but either I'm saying it over on my caringbridge site, or I'm too tired to get it down here.

I could write about our recent quick jaunt to Breckenridge, or about the crazy hot weather and insane fires in Colorado, including one that has  had our house smokey for weeks, even though it's miles away. (And what it's like to have a kid with asthma with this terrible air quality)

I could write about how my illness and treatment have affected our homeschooling and parenting.

I could reflect on similarities and differences between this and the serious health issues my own mother dealt with when I was a child (and continues to deal with today).

I could write about my opinions on ObamaCare, and health care in general, especially in light of my ongoing experience in the medical system. 

I could write about how pain undermines your ability to stay sane or get anything done. 

I could write about how having our foster care kittens has been a blessing, even if it is a bit messy.

I could rough out an idea I have for a poster I want that demonstrates the relationships between Fibonacci numbers, Pythagoras triangle, and Lucas numbers. (Which also reminds me of a vocal exercise my choir did... a bit random, I know)

Oooh... I could post pictures of our foster kitties.  Now that would almost be worth the effort.

My goodness.  There's so much to write about, but instead I'm going to bed.

Pseudonyms

- So, I've been thinking... dh, ds13, ds10 & ds7 need some names. You know like those cute pseudonyms that some bloggers have for their kids. I ran this by the family. Here is what we came up with

dh= Firelord - this would because of his recent experiments with homemade gunpowder. Enough said. Really.

dh13 = bit-boy, geek boy, - but his voice has changed, he's taller than me, and wears bigger shoes than Firelord, so I'm thinking "boy" is a bit of a misnomer.

dh10 = Lego Boy, Lego Dude - I liked Wild Child or Tigger, but both are being used by other bloggers I read, so those don't feel original enough. (And Lego is?)

dh7 = chatterbox, Sir Chats-a-lot, Jabberwocky - but he wants Hot Dog. Why? I don't know.

Me? - the suggestions from the peanut gallery weren't so flattering - Nag Hag for one. Thanks guys. I'm thinking something like Mama Bear or Dragon Mama. (Maybe I'm over compensating?) Firelord suggest something with "music" in it. I've called myself a musical slut, but it's not a nick name I'd like to answer to regularly.

So, any suggestions? Be nice, 'kay?

It's ok. Really.

Thanks so much friends. I had no idea y'all were actually reading this blog. You can stop worrying about me now. (insert Monty Python accent here please)
I got better.

Yes, I had a bad day, and I wrote about it, and I posted it. The only unusual thing was the posting bit. Bad days come, and then they go. That was the point of the post, that the bad days go just as often as they come.

I'm having a good day today. Do you want to know what a good day looks like?
Here's what we did today:

Folded a couple baskets of laundry
Check out facebook and find a new favorite mommy blog
Stark. Raving. Mad. Mommy. , lordy, I needed that today!
Went to the library

Got allergy shots for 3 kids and went to allergy doctor appointments for 2 kids got a thumbs up and one child will get to go to allergy shots every other week starting next month (Woot!)

Went to Discount Tires to have tires checked, they balanced the air in them and sent us on our way.
Took 3 bags of clothes and toys to the charity thrift shop.
Went to lunch w/ kids and husband. Said "hi" to 2 different folks from church there. (UUs are everywhere!)

Home for the afternoon, where another friend came to visit our foster kitten. She didn't end up adopting her, but the visit did prove that Kate is not demon spawn, just acting fierce at the shelter because she's so scared. So if you're interested in a playful kitten, who is good with a dog, cats, and kids, Kate's available for adoption through the Fort Collins Cat Rescue. But she's living at our house.

We dug the rest of the potatoes out of their bed, and I planted garlic there for next year. Wonder how that'll work?

Took 7 year old to his pottery class. He had very muddy shoes from the potato bed. Teacher noticed. Because it got all over the floor. Sorry about that.

Went back to Discount Tire to assure them that we needed more than air - they finally found a nail in the rear driver side tire and fixed it.
Took 1 very heavy box of children's book to used book store and got a lot of store credit for future use, read HP3 with 10 year old while we waited.

Picked up 7 year old from pottery, go home.
Dh comes back home from dropping 13 yo off at his fencing class
4/5 of us are home for dinner (thawed homemade chicken tortilla soup)

I leave to pick up 13 yo from his fencing class. It's the last of the series and he comes out sweating and carrying a king size bag of Twizzlers. It's the prize for winning the tournament! He's so happy. I love that. Also, I like Twizzlers, and there's a Mama tax on all candy.

We go home where I get to cuddle children while dh finished reading "Puck of Pooks Hill" aloud and then I get to read some more of HP3 w/ ds10. Then ds13, dh, and I go watch 2 Avatar episodes while I eat Twizzlers and the chocolate my husband gave me for our anniversary last month.

See? A good day.

An Introvert Venting

How are you dear reader? How is your health? What have you been doing recently? Pray do tell.

Me? Why, thank you for asking. I'm feeling sorry for myself. The last few days I've been sick. Well, actually sick off and on for a couple of weeks, an initial cold followed by a creeping crud. Blech. When I'm sick I revert to form - a grumpy introvert. Unfortunately this is a busy time for us and the world has not let me hole up for days on end to indulge in rest and Jane Austen, so my grumpy introvert has been on public display. Apparently grumpy introverts are not popular people. I have not solicited much concern or sympathy. Bah. Humbug.

Usually I don't have extrovert envy. Usually I can fake it. I honestly care about people, and appreciate how extroverts are treated in society, and I can use that to make myself behave differently. I work to not feel, as Darcy does in Austen's Pride and Prejudice - "ill qualified to recommend myself to strangers." As Elizabeth Bennet says to Darcy regarding manners and socializing "My fingers do not move over this instrument [piano] in the masterly manner which I see so many women's do. ... But I have always supposed it to be my own fault- because I would not take the trouble of practicing." Thus I practice at being social, enough so that some people apparently have no idea that I'm an introvert who would rather on most days be reading a book with a cat on my lap, or puttering in the garden with my dog by my side than chit chatting with a group. And that's ok, because mostly I want people to feel I enjoy their company, and mostly, when I put myself out, I find I do enjoy their company.

But, when I'm sick, and tired, and over worked, I am vulnerable. I do not have the energy to be social. I feel unappreciated. When I see people I usually ask how they are and then really listen to what they say. When I'm not making an effort to be social I notice that they rarely do the same for me. That's really irritating. How dare they not reciprocate?!? Do they not know how much effort I have made over the years to seem interested in their petty concerns? Do they not know how hard it is to act as if it is effortless to put my energy into being with people? Do they not know I need something back now and then? No, apparently, they don't know. And I don't know how to ask. Which is why I usually just hole up when I'm sick, to spare us all the irritation of being together.

Since I can't hole up, I have been comforting myself with many cups of herbal honey-laced tea, late night binges of the BBC's Pride and Prejudice, and venting to you, poor dear reader.

Aren't you sorry you asked?

I'm an idiot

Hey Friends,

I'm an idiot.

Those of you who know me IRL already know - I'm an idiot. Now the rest of you do too.

My latest evidence? I had a bunch of comments awaiting moderation, like from over a month ago, and just now noticed. And they were all nice comments, no spam or flames or trolls, and they were just sitting there. Lonely. Waiting. Politely. For me to notice. Which I finally did, and approved, but I feel kinda bad that they just sat there for so long before I realized they were there.

It's good that children are loud and annoying isn't it?

To Job Applicants

I've recently had to hire someone. I can tell the economy is still not really what it was. There were 20+ applicants in less than 12 hours for a rather low paying job. Looking over the cover letters (emails) and the resumes sent, I think I have something to share with job seekers.

First of all - don't irritate the potential employer.

Read the instructions first, then read them again. If the job advertisement says "email resume" don't think that a phone call will get you a response.

Again: READ THE INSTRUCTIONS. If the job ad says "email resume" then include a resume with your email.

In your email - include some words. Do not send a blank email with a resume attached. I've got too many things to do to open every document. (That's why I'm looking for help!) The email is your cover letter. I'm looking for a hint in the email that you're a good candidate. Even something as simple as "Attached is my resume. Thank you for your consideration." is better than nothing. Better yet "Attached is my resume. I have experience pertinent to this position (description of pertinent experience). I am a hard worker, capable of independent work, and would very much like the opportunity to discuss how I can make your life easier." I'm all about anything that makes my life easier. (You can word it better than that!)

In your email - don't include too many words. I don't want to know about any hobbies or interests that aren't pertinent to this job. Your desire to camp every weekend this summer won't get you a job with me. I don't care how much you really, really need this job, how it would be perfect for you because you don't want too work hard or often, or how this might be a good fit for you only if ___ .... Sometimes less really is more.

Make sure all the contact information is correct, especially phone numbers and emails. I can't respond to you if your phone is disconnected, or if you gave me the wrong number. I also have to wonder about your attention to details. Get someone to proof your work if necessary.

Speaking of details, make sure your resume is pertinent to the job you're applying for. It's pretty easy these days to edit documents. There's no reason that your resume's job objective should be "Being the best babysitter this church has ever had" when you're applying for a gardening position. It kinda makes me think you don't care about the gardening thing.

If you get called for a phone interview, don't tell me how what you're really looking for is a babysitting position, or a waitressing position, or any other position that I'm not hiring for. If you're driving when I call, just let it go to voice mail. If you do pick up, something like "I'm so sorry, I'm driving now. May I call you back at this number in X minutes?" is a good response.

Look, I was the world's worst secretary back in the day. I know it's a pain to get these details right. But as an employer, I don't have time or energy to weed through the chaff to find the wheat. If you want a job it's best if you can shine. If you can't shine, at least wipe off the mud so that the potential employer can get a glimpse of what you're capable of.



Update 5/18/11

Grr... interview candidate today had 4 references, I can only use 2.

So here are some more suggestions regarding references -

No relatives. Your father is not a good reference. Like I'm going to believe him when he says he's not biased and you're wonderful? And then, what if he says you aren't?

Call all your references in advance of listing them. Let them know you are using them as a reference, make sure their contact information is correct. The first name of your manager at Blockbuster from 3 years ago just doesn't cut it.

Dilemma

We got a new (to us) minivan last weekend. I'm kinda sad. I mean, we got a good deal, and it's a nice minivan. A really nice minivan. The nicest car I've ever had. It has leather seats. It has seat warmers. It has power everything. If I can figure it out, it has a hands free phone thingy. I haven't found the button that blows your nose for you, but I'm pretty sure it's there.

What this car doesn't have is a tape deck. We've been listening to Joy Hakim's "The History of US" on tape from the library. We're only on book 4. Do you see my problem? Hint - there's 11 books in the series. (Well, 10 books and a whole book of appendices) We're not done yet and the only tape player I own is in the old minivan whose hind end can not take one more blow. Seeing as how I like the kids who ride in the back of said crippled minivan, I can not in good conscience drive it just so we can finish listening to this series. (Can I?)

The new car does have a CD player, but the library doesn't have this on CD. I can't find it on the internet on CD. Grr.... But wait. The library does have an e-resource - netLibrary. The car does have an auxilary jack that will accept a music player....

And so again life as we know it, or at least my happiness, is saved by the awesome powers of the internet and the WorldWideWeb.

This post is for you

"Don't Beat the Children"

This is my hard times mantra, and honestly there are some days when that seems to be limit of my accomplishments - I didn't hit anyone today. (Talk about low standards!)

Last week a mom lamented to me "I was reading Amy's blog, and my kids aren't anything like that!" "My kids aren't motivated" "They aren't self starters" "They aren't miles ahead of their schooled peers." Man, I hear you. My kids aren't brilliant, perfectly behaved, or gifted beyond belief (at least not gifted in the things others would notice, is there a gifted category for "can make sound effects that rival Fred Newman"? How about "loud and irritating beyond belief"?)

So this post is for every parent who thinks they aren't good enough. See, bloggers are people too. We don't really want to air our dirty laundry. When we post there is a huge motivation to make everything look shiny. It's like writing your Christmas letter every time you blog. Do you really need to put in the bad days and misbehavior? Nah, we'd rather write about the successes.

So here's some dirty laundry - I am a terrible homeschooling parent. I have a child I don't know how to motivate,. He has behavior issues, or rather, misbehavior issues. He has so many things he likes to do, and is good at, but he breaks down as soon as something gets difficult. He asks for music lessons, but won't practice. He was in tears this morning just because I asked him if he would sit down just once this week and practice 5 minutes of piano. He loved doing the Science Fair last year, and loves science activities, but is balking at doing the Science Fair this year. I think it is safe to say he has performance anxiety.

The carrot and stick just don't work for this child. He would rather do with out any carrot than do something he doesn't want to do, or even something he likes to do if someone else wants him to do it. He will suffer any stick just on principles. (Not that I'm too good w/ a stick, sigh... maybe if I would just beat the children? ;-p) He loves to learn, hates to be taught, hates deadlines, has difficulty with transitions, and on and on. And time after time, I blow it. I get impatient. I lose my temper. The kid is beyond inconvenient. I wonder what on earth am I doing wrong?

And here's the answer, for me, and for you. Maybe I'm not doing anything wrong. Maybe he's having a hard time and I don't know how to help him. Maybe none of us really deserve the amazing little miracles our children are. Maybe there's no way to be perfect and deserving.

Our job is not to be perfect, their job is not to be perfect. Their job is to be kids, and our job is to help them be safe and move towards adulthood as best we can.

And not beat them. Today.