It it me?

I had a day.

You know those days where everyone around you seems like an idiot?  Maybe it's just me.
I've got a thing....
One idiot, probably is an idiot.  Five idiots in the same day, I start to think it's me.  I'm grumpy and impatient and need to put myself in a time out.  Actually, by the third idiot I'm usually sending myself home asap, so as to not injure anyone.

So recently I've been feeling ignored, shut out, pushed aside, shut down.  If it happened just once, I'd write it off.  Some one was having an off day, or I rubbed someone the wrong way, or I read the situation wrong.  But when it happens again and again, in more than one situation, with more than one person, over a series of days and situations, I start to think - maybe it's me.

Maybe I'm being particularly abrasive, or bossy. I heard that enough growing up to know - not everyone can take a full dose of me.  Maybe it's karma catching up with me.  Maybe I'm extra sensitive for some reason and reading things into it that aren't there.   Or maybe lots of people are short tempered and feeling sensitive themselves and I'm just handy.

Here's the thing - I have not had the experience of it being nothing when I sense something.  Whenever I get these feelings, something has been up.  The question is, is it something I need to do anything about?  Is it something external or internal to me?  I don't know yet.  Maybe there's something in the air, a general feeling of anxiety and fear, an itchiness just where you can't reach, a rock in our collective shoe.  Maybe I'm being a bitch on wheels and am oblivious.

Here's what I know is true, people have been acting unusually irritated around me. It's unpleasant and unexpected. 
I think I'm ready to not people for a while.

Art is for everyone

Last year I did a program called Wellspring.  One part of the program was that we had to commit to a daily spiritual practice, although what you did could vary day to day.  One of my favorite things to do as a spiritual practice is to create.  Sometimes I practiced an instrument, or wrote something, but some times I drew.

We all get free together

We're not free until we're all free.  We all get free together.

You know how sometimes you see things in your media stream, and the seemingly random juxtaposition suddenly refocuses something and then you see relationships where you didn't before?

Ya.  That.

There's this, and this article about improving education.


We're not free until we're all free.  We all get free together.

Then there was this article followed by a discussion about "identity politics" and a facebook comment from an amazing intelligent young man I really respect about how "identity politics" is going to bring down the Democratic party.  In my experience, all politics is identity politics.  It's just white-identity-politics is called "politics".  The white experience is considered the norm, so anything else is dismissed as "identity politics".

We're not free until we're all free.  We all get free together.

Then I remembered a story about OXO good grips I heard on NPR.  OXO products were designed for people with arthritis, but it turned out that a really good design was better for a lot of people.

We're not free until we're all free.  We all get free together.

Designing a good product, a good system, or a good policy, takes a lot of work.  It takes time and energy.  It's so  tempting to say "good enough", we got the worst of it, dust our hands and call it done.  So tempting.  I get it, we're tired.  I'm tired.

But the extra effort to really make it better for everyone, to make it equitable and not just convenient, not even just equal, but truly equitable, it does make it better for everyone.  Even those who didn't expect to benefit from it do.

We're not free until we're all free.  We all get free, together.

Econ101

This morning at the breakfast table we were talking about economics and capitalism.  Yes.  I know.  We're nerds.  But, since FireLord has been busy teaching full time at the maker space summer camp, it was the first breakfast we'd been able to have together for a week.
And somehow that makes it... normal?  Normal for us anyway.

Anyway. set scene:  Hot Dog, Lego Kid, FireLord, and I  - eating waffles, talking over the Wall Street Journal.

Economics.  Capitalism.
What works and what doesn't.
The conclusion we came to is that capitalism isn't great, it creates winners and losers, the risks aren't born equally, and it's easily corrupted.  BUT, it works better than anything else we've figured out, especially when you're dealing with huge numbers of people, IF there are certain checks and balances put into place.

It works when you have rule of law, a fair and functional judicial system, non-corrupt and unbiased law enforcement, and controls on monopolistic practices.  It works when workers are truly free agents, able to make choices about what work they're willing to do for what price.  It works when there is one-vote one-person and your voice actually matters.  (Yes, I'm aware we're mixing up governance w/ economics and that they're different, but they're intertwined in this country, and I'm not a f'n PhD)

It doesn't work when the laws are applied (or not) in arbitrary, capricious, and or biased ways.  It doesn't work when those in positions of power are able to use their power for personal gain, to avoid the consequences of their actions, and/or to abuse and take advantage of others.  It doesn't work when companies become "too big to fail".  It doesn't work when companies create cartels to control supply and cost of goods.  It doesn't work when companies don't bear the true cost of production.  It doesn't work when people aren't free agents, when they can't move jobs for improved pay/conditions/benefits.  It doesn't work when a corporation counts as a person, when an individuals vote doesn't matter.  It doesn't work when people feel like there is no chance to improve their situations.

For capitalism to work we need things like police, the judicial system, laws protecting competition (anti-monopoly).  This need for balance is why there are some things that we all pitch in for when competition doesn't work, things like schools, utilities, commodities, etc. 

When the system is unbalanced, when people stop trusting the system, when there is a huge difference between the haves and the have-nots, things can get ugly. 

There's always going to be tension between a laissez faire market and regulations.  The pendulum swings back and forth, not in a reaction to what's happening but in a reaction to what happened in the recent past (or what was perceived to have happened).  But if it swings to far, we will all suffer, one way or the other.

What's my problem?

This last year I've been playing a new game.  It's fun, enlightening, and helps me set better boundaries.  I've shared with a few others and, in addition to laughs, I get fairly positive feedback about the game and it's usefulness.
So, in the hopes that it might be useful to someone else, here's my new-ish game.

What's my problem?

When someone approaches me with a complaint or anger, or I start to feel angry, threatened or defensive, I ask myself "What's my problem?"
Nine times out of ten, whatever they're talking about is not my problem.

It's like magic!  What's my problem?  Not this.
Their response to a situation is NOT MY PROBLEM.
Their emotions are NOT MY PROBLEM.
My behavior, my actions and reactions - definitely my problem.

A slightly less helpful game is
"What's your problem?"
Pretty much the same game, but asking someone else to play, which has shown itself to be problematic. Huh.

Try it and let me know what you think.