July's books

* The Best of Friends, by Sara James & Ginger Mauney
* Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, by J.K. Rowling (yes, again!)
* The Middle Place, by Kelly Corrigan
* Vanity Fair, by William Makepeace Thackeray

When a child despairs - it looks like misbehavior

When a child behaves in a way that is inappropriate, we need to ask ourselves, “Where did that come from?” Often the child just doesn't realize it's not appropriate. Sometimes they're just revealing behaviors they've seen at home or elsewhere. Sometimes they are deliberately doing the wrong thing just to see what you'll do about it, a little psychological experiment. No matter, it's us adults that are being tested. When we think we see a child failing, we need to remember. Children don't fail. It's us adults who are failing the children.

I've recently failed some children. I am "shoulding" myself, thinking of all the things I should have done better. Better, I am also thinking of how I'll manage next time.

Next time I'm going to make room for prayerful meditation. I need to create space and time to remember who I want to be, how I want to be. I need to focus on their unique worth and integrity. I want to help them focus on that too. I need to remember that they hurt others because they've been hurt. I need to remember that children need love first. And second. And last. I need to remember that when their cups are full, they won't knock over other's cups so often. I need to remember that children are resilient, my own included. I want to remember that I have enough love for all the children under my roof even, no, especially, for the ones who challenge me the most.

June's Books

• Vanity Fair, by William Makepeace Thackeray
• The Last Lecture, by Randy Pausch
• The Plot Against America, by Philip Roth
• A Sense of Where You Are, by John McPhee
• House of Testosterone, by Sharon O'Donnell

The Last Lecture

It's a thin book, definitely a fast read. That is, until you finish it and realize, "I need to read that again". Here and here are links to video of/with Randy Pausch for those interested.

It's a story that you know the ending of. Most folks in this connected age have seen, or read, or heard about it. Randy Pausch is invited to give an annual lecture at Carnegie Mellon "The Last Lecture", a lecture series with the premise of "if you knew you were going to die, what is important enough that you need to share it now?" The kicker is, Randy Pausch has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and given 6 months to live. Randy knows he is going to die, and die very soon.

That he's leaving behind a wife and 3 very young children is enough to bring tears to your eyes, even if you don't read the book. But then, reading the book you come to realize what a vibrant spirit he was. I grieve that his children, and the world, will not have more time to learn from him.

More than the poignancy of this book, I will remember the lessons in it. The "head fake", the "Dutch uncle", "be a communitarian" and so many others, are lessons I can use as a parent, teacher, and coach. His philosophy of hard work, persistence, and optimism is one that makes any situation, even the worst situation, the best it can be.

He talks about the Tiggers and the Eeyores of the world. He's a Tigger, and I'm glad to have come to know him just a bit through this this book. He's not the only Tigger in the world, just one who got famous for a bit. To all the Tiggers I've been blessed to know, thanks for being you!

Et tu?

Today, driving summer camp kids to and from a field trip, I had the privilege of having a 15 year old camp counselor share with me her experiences and interests. She was raised locally until age 10, moved away for 5 yrs and has recently returned. Adjusting to her new school has been a challenge. She's never made friends easily, would rather do art than sports, reads voraciously, and hasn't yet found a friendly peer group or BFF. I found her to be kind, well-spoken, and thoughtful. I don't have teens yet, and I'll never have a daughter, so it was a treat for me to have some time with this young lady.

When she learned that my kids are homeschooled, she told me that I should really send my kids to school by the time they reach high school. She felt strongly enough about this to bring it up more than once.

"I can tell the kids who are homeschooled" she told me. (Although she had been surprised to learn my kids were homeschooled.)

"How?" I asked.
"Well, I don't mean to be rude, but they are so attached to their parents." (In a tone that implied that this is a negative thing.)

I was intrigued by her concern for my children and asked her why she thought attending high school was so very important.

"You learn so much there that you just can't learn at home."

I asked her what she thought she'd learned in school that was most useful.

She answered "How to, you know, make friends."
"Not that I'm good at that" she admitted with a wistful voice.
"Go to class. You learn how to get to class."
"You have to deal with mean and bad people."
"How to get on the right side of a teacher. If you get on their good side you can wear clothes that don't meet the code."
"You learn how to dress."

She was talking about that elusive thing that seems to haunt the thoughts of so many when they think of homeschooling. The word I think she might have been reaching for was "socialization".

The school this teen attends is a well scoring classical school. Yet, according to this student the most important lessons she's learned are how to dress, brown nose, get to class, and deal with bullies.

Sigh.... I don't even know where to start. By trying to articulate what she saw as an important difference between school and homeschool this youth unintentionally highlighted some of the advantages that bring teens and their parents to homeschooling.