Oct - Dec books

Really?  I didn't keep track of my books for 3 months?  Good grief.  What was I thinking?  Not much about my private reading, I guess.

I was busy with 4 kids, 2 of whom were in school, 2 of whom have started the testing process for 2E stuff, 1 who is discovering that he likes to do his own thing and not just tag along with his older brothers, and 1 who went on to his next host home just after the new year.

• Non-Violence, the History of a Dangerous Idea, by Mark Kurlansky
• The Book of Geese, by Dave Holderread
• The Ender Games series by Orson Scott Card (yes, a re-read inspired by the movie coming out)
• I have no idea anymore of what else I read in the last 3 months... sorry.

What's that word?

I need to know the name for a word that may or may not exist.  It's not schadenfreud, but means something close...

What's the word for people who show their jealously when you explain something you've lost and they say "Well, I never had that so you shouldn't miss it?"  or "Now you know how I feel"  or "Now you're just like the rest of us"  ?

I've seen this in more than one circumstance, but the most memorable was when I was sick last year.  When I went bald I had healthy bald men say "Now you know how I feel".
Really?  You're comparing a bald woman on chemotherapy with a healthy bald man?
Wow - well, I guess we both need hats in the winter.

When my hair did come back, but thinner, curly, fragile I heard comments like "At least you had good hair once"  "Didn't you always want curly hair?  Guess you should be careful what you wish for". 
Because you think I had something good before, I don't deserve to have it back, or mourn its' loss?

During chemo and now, after, I have memory and cognitive issues (called "chemo-brain" in cancer circles).  I've heard comments like "Guess you're not so smart now, eh?"  "You were too smart for your own good before anyway" and  "Lucky you had some brains to spare". 
I don't even have a response to that.

Now that I have kids in school, I'm finding something similar at an institutional level. 
I've got a kid with a 2+ sigma difference between his IQ and certain types academic achievement.  Before 2008 this would be diagnosed as an official "learning disability" and we could have (relatively) easily gotten an IEP and some accommodations for this student.  Because of a change in the laws that define learning disabilities, that isn't the case.  Even though this kid isn't able to work at the level indicated by his ability, because he is able to perform  at or above "average for grade or age" level, it isn't considered a disability.  Despite the fact that they prevent him from showing some of his abilities, his disabilities don't count because they only bring him down to the "average".  His difficulties, although very real and frustrating in a school setting, don't merit consideration by the powers that be.

As I write this I know that many will interpret it as whining.
"You're alive right?  You should be grateful."
I am grateful to be alive.  That doesn't mean I don't miss the parts of my life that are gone or changed by cancer treatment.

"What's wrong with average?"
There's nothing wrong with being average.
There's nothing wrong with being NOT average either, and it needs to be acknowledged that people who are not average in ways that are usually perceived as positive still have problems and need support just like "average" people.

I'll leave you by talking about my geese.
We got domestic geese at the end of last summer.  They seem pretty happy waddling along in our back field eating grass, and tucking into their pen at night with their grain.  We love our geese, their antics and beauty are a joy to watch.

Here in Colorado we also have lots of wild Canada geese.  They are beautiful.  This time of year they migrate, they fly high and free.  At the city park we have some resident Canada geese, some of which are permanently injured and can not migrate anymore.  They have a relatively good life, people feed them and there's a little island they can retreat to if they want to avoid the dogs and kids.

City Park Canada goose

George and Gracie

What is the difference between a domestic goose who can't fly and a wild goose who can't fly?  Is it a comfort to the wild goose to know that now it's "just like" a domestic goose?

Liberty Commons High School

Our Brazilian exchange student is going to Liberty Commons High School.  It was the only school left with room for an exchange student, and I'm glad he was able to get a spot.  It seems like a reasonable fit for him, and it gives me a change to get to know  a high school I was interested in for Bit Boy, but didn't get a chance to see.

Liberty Commons High School (commonly called "Liberty") is a parent run public charter school.  It has  420 students, grades 7-12.  It grew from the Liberty Commons Elementary school.  Although they share the same campus, the 7th and 8th graders have a different lunch than the 9-12th grades.    I was amused to learn that Liberty has "houses" for the 9-12th grades (and "orders" for the 7-8).  Each house has it's own name (using the cardinal virtues), motto, and student president. The houses and orders are a bit like "home room" or "advising" period in other schools, allowing the students to have a smaller group of individuals to become familiar with and work with across grades.

Liberty is billed as a classical education with a common core foundation, but has a growing reputation as a good engineering prep school.  My first exposure to Liberty was when Firelord came home from volunteering at High School Days at our local university, where high school students are introduced to basic engineering concepts and given application opportunities.  He was most impressed with the Liberty students.  As a whole their diligence, insight, and demeanor set them well above the other students.  A friend who works in the Engineering College at CSU told me that department is actively recruiting from Liberty Commons High School because their  admitted students have been outstanding.

LCHS has some drawbacks.  The first thing most parents and students notice is the dress code.  Our exchange student had to go shopping in his first days here because his standard teenage wardrobe of t-shirts and jeans was not acceptable.  The most important thing families should know going in is that the course work and homework load are considerable.  Our student is exceptional academically and has been quite capable of getting his work done (despite working in his second language), however it leaves little time for other activities.   It was refreshing, if telling, when the soccer coach told us directly "We know Liberty has a lot of homework.  If you need to miss practice to keep up with school, just send us an email or give us a call to let us know."

LCHS is not for every family.  The majority of families and teachers there seem to be fundamentalist Christians, something that was demonstrated in the fall soccer banquet when the head coach repeatedly commented on "God's plan for this young man".   There are a few liberal families there, but they keep their heads down and their mouths shut.  If, like me, you have out spoken tie-dye wearing hippie kids, they're probably not going to feel at home here.  Also, LCHS's budget is well above that allocated by the state so their fund raising is non stop.  If regular requests for donations of time and money are going to get your goat, this probably isn't the place for you.  There is a strong expectation of volunteering and financial contribution at this school.

If you have a diligent student who is wanted an academically  rigorous high school experience, and you are willing to give up the time it takes to support that student and this school, then Liberty might be an excellent fit for you.  If you have a student who is more interested in the arts, outside projects, or just isn't willing or able to keep up with the difficult course load, you might want to keep looking.

Enough...

I've been struggling recently.  I just don't feel like I'm "enough".  There is so much to do that isn't getting done.  There's so much I want to do that I don't have time for.  I'm frazzled and tired, making mistakes, and not enjoying even those few things I do right.   My children frequently point out when I make mistakes... not just little  mistakes like spelling either: bigger mistakes like forgetting a tutoring session or not reminding a child of music lessons, and down right illegal mistakes like switching lanes within 200 feet of a stop light (oh, the joys of having a student driver riding shot gun).  If only they knew the huge mistakes I've made - I don't know whether they'd feel gleefully justified or just terrified that their young lives have rested in my hands.

There was a time when "enough" was my mantra.  I read books like Everyday Blessings by Jon Cabot Zinn, and Whole Child Whole Parent by Berends and Peck.  I watched as other friends raced frantically through their lives and decided I would not do that.   We would have a relaxed home life, working through "flow" and with ease.  Of course it wasn't really like that, I was pregnant and/or nursing for 9+ years, and as anyone with babies and toddlers can tell you, it's exhausting work.  But it had it's own rhythm, and a lovely (albeit noisy) sort of peace.

Last year I was fairly incapable of much, and would have had an easy time saying "No", except no one even asked.  It's amazing how expectations lower when you're going through cancer treatment.  I completed treatment by Christmas, and by mid January we were in the tropics for our sabbatical.  Physically I wasn't really up to living aboard, and so again, lower expectations ruled the day.  Then we came back, and things changed.

Thinking about it, I think this current business is a reaction to last year's illness.  I felt so out of it, so left behind, out of the stream of our community.  When we got back from our sabbatical, I jumped in with both feet.  When the kids asked for something "Yes" was a fun thing to say after such a long enforced time of inactivity.   I got working, signing up to teach RE, agreeing to teach O.W.L., signing the kids up for lessons, getting Bit Boy in to high school/college, prepping Lego Kid for public school and letting him take this Latin course, welcoming an exchange student in the fall.  We didn't resume our old habits and schedule, we created an much busier one.  Now I'm learning what it feels like to be as busy as those in the main stream, and I don't like it.

Why do we do this to ourselves?  The reasons are probably as numerous as the people involved, or more so, since most of us have a multitude of reasons for doing what we do.  Most parents have to work, most kids have to go to school.  There's the cultural expectations, but also all the great stuff to spend our time on.   The temptations of this world are many, and we're all conditioned to admire folks who are busy.  "I don't know how you do it all" is a great compliment in most circles, and who doesn't want to be admired?  There's also the sheer joy of our chosen activities.  Our family loves our music making, outdoor time with friends, visits from family,  learning new things.  There, quite literally, isn't enough time in a single life to do all the things we'd like to do. There's also the pressure to contribute.  "With great gifts, comes great responsibility."  If we have the ability to contribute, we feel obliged.  We have lots of abilities and resources, and so feel obliged to contribute, besides most of it is rewarding and fun.

Whatever the motivation, the result here hasn't been pretty.  All the business comes at a cost.  Saying "Yes" to business means saying "No" to down time and quiet.  Time in lessons means is time not available for free play.  If we think about it, we realize that every "Yes" is also "No" to something else.  The trouble is we just don't think about it.  Keeping busy  means we don't have time to think about it.  In some ways that's easier.  Stay busy, don't think, just do what comes next.  There are times when that's a great strategy.  Those times, though, usually come after a bit of planning and forethought.  College is a good example of a time when you might be crazy busy, but it's all good - you planned the work and are working the plan.  The trouble comes when we're not planning the work or working the plan, but just reacting to the triggers that we experience.  "Can you...?" "Yes, I can."  "Would you?"  "Yes, I will."  Without thought as to what we're saying "No" to, "Yes" might not be the right answer.

I'm not sure what, if anything, is going to give, but something will have to change, soon.  Just as soon as the semester is finished, just as soon as that next trip is done, just as soon as.....

Searching

I'd like to say we're zipping along like a sprinter, but that would be a bald faced lie. We are still searching for our balance.  In reality we're not even on a casual hike.  We're more like a slosh-faced drunk trying to stagger out the barroom door.

This year we've taken on a more academic approach to our homeschool.  In the past we mostly unschooled, and last year was catch as catch can.  With Bit Boy in high school/college, and Lego Kid making noises about wanting to follow in his footsteps, Hot Dog has requested academics so he can do what his brothers do. 

As I write I have Lego Kid and Hot Dog at the public library "working" on their math while Bit Boy is in town getting some testing done.  I'm sure we're annoying every patron within earshot, since apparently they are incapable of doing their work silently.  Lego Kid is doing pre-algebra, using Art of Problem Solving.  Hot Dog is working on multiplication using Beast Academy 3B.  Lego Kid's goal is to be finished with algebra by next fall so that he can join Bit Boy at CEC.  Hot Dog wants to finish with 4th grade math by next fall so that he can be a "5th grader" a year early and do the Library Pals program earlier.  (Given that he has late fall birthday, skipping him a grade isn't too crazy, he'd be only a month younger than the youngest students of that grade - a month younger, and 2 heads shorter... sigh...)

Lego Kid has really been struggling.  He chose to do a rigorous online Latin class.  It moves fairly quickly, being designed for high-achieving high schoolers.  Lego kid is only 12, but he really, really, wants to learn Latin, and wanted to take this class because he has  enjoyed working with the instructor in an earlier class.  We both know he's capable of the work, but his work ethic, speed of processing, and organizational skills are not such that this is an easy task.  He wants to do the work, but spends literally hours avoiding it, then another hour sitting in front of it in despair.  Finally, with much gnashing of teeth it will get done, but only after we're both frazzled to the bone, having accomplished nothing else all day. 

I'm realizing more and more that while my kids learn so much more, and so much easier at home, it's not in a way that translates well into a traditionally organized class like this Latin class.  If they were in school they would have already learned to sit down and do what was expected of them without complaining (much, out loud, etc.).  Being home/un-schooled they've enjoyed learning as an organic process that flows naturally  out of their own curiosity and energy.  Doing "school" is just so different from what has worked for us. 

The difference is not a good thing or a bad thing, just something I noticed.

 I'm still baffled by Lego Kid's desire to become a classical scholar, especially given how challenging it is for him.  Given that he is determined, we'll keep plugging away at it, I'm just wondering if this is really the "best" way for him.