Don't get me wrong. I'm not glad I have cancer. Treatment sucks. It is barbaric and cruel. (For an unblemished read of cancer treatment check out "Memoir of a Debulked Woman") I hate having to think of the very real potential of my kids growing up without me. And I despise what this has done to me and my family. This is not the childhood I wanted for my kids.
I would never wish it on anyone, and I'm not the sort the believes "everything happens for a reason".
I think random shit happens and we just have to deal. In my case there's a family history of breast cancer, so I guess it's not so random. But I still have to deal.
My way of dealing is to bitch and moan, whine and complain, and then try to make the best of it.
Making the best of it has included:
Making an effort to do fun things with the kids when I'm well enough, things we always "meant to do" but hadn't gotten to.
Being surprised and enlightened at the friends who've "stuck" and the ones who haven't
Being amazed and humbled by the supportive community we have
Getting to spend time with distant, but beloved, family members
Having a bit more time to read and watch movies
Enjoying mindful moments with my kids
Not worrying about how to pay for living until I'm 90
Fun play with my hair that I would have never tried with out knowing that I was going to loose it all
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| In prep for the first hair loss I bleached it and dyed it pink. | Really, really, pink. |
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| It grew back in between treatments, I call this Buddhist monk look |
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| It started falling out again, so Firelord had some fun with it before he buzzed it for me. |
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