Now what?

This post is inspired by the questions and concerns another homeschooling mom expressed on one of my lists.

Paraphrasing, she said:

"I just realized at least 2 of my 5 kids (ages 7 and 10) are right brained.  I'm not.   They're not reading yet.  I don't know what to do.  The baby is just a year old and I'm pulled in so many directions.  Traditional learners can sit everyone down at the table and work for 3 hours and be done.  My kids won't.  What do I do?"

Here's my response:

First, cut yourself some slack.  You've just had a huge paradigm shift.  It'll take a while to integrate that into your everyday life.

You still have very little ones.  I gave myself the 1st year or two of every babies life to just be.  You can call it unschooling, or relaxed homeschooling if you want.  If you can manage to read to them most days, take them to the library and to parks now and then, you will be doing more than fine.  There's nothing that is urgent right now.  Keeping everybody fed and healthy is a high enough goal.

You say you like check-lists and scripts.  That's going to be tough.  Right brainers don't just think "out of the box"  Rbers don't even notice there's a box.  They won't even understand how they're making you crazy.  (But it might amuse them) 

If you write a script, they're going to turn it on end.  It's time to start thinking of your homeschooling as an improv troupe.  When you're doing improv it doesn't mean you are without structure.  It means that, with in a certain agreed upon structure, you are free to experiment.  It means that there is not "right" and "wrong" way to do something - there's only this works and that doesn't, this is fun, this is drudgery.  Your improv will be different than someone elses, and that's a good thing!  It means you're doing what works for you.


What if instead of a daily checklist that the kids have to do, you have a mental checklist you consult every week or so, privately or with your spouse?   Especially when they are little my kids learn so much without my input or structure.  I'm always amazed when I step back and look at how my little ones spend their days and see it through their eyes.

Our kids are getting older.  I miss having littles, but the advantage of having rational human beings for children isn't to be dismissed.  At our house we have pretty regular talks about what is working and what isn't.  It's not child centered, it's family centered.  It has to work for everyone.  It has to meet our long term goals, which the children help to set for themselves.   We all have family and household chores which  we have to do, just 'cause that's what it takes to manage a house hold.

Our days and weeks have a certain fluid structure, with the oldest (14) having the most structure and the youngest (8) the least.   My oldest can now work mostly independently.  He has a list of academics he does everyday and then he is free to do as he wishes.  (Which is mostly sit at the computer programming, skyping friends and play games.  So long as he meets his family obligations, his academic commitment, and moves his body around every hour, I try to be ok with that)  My 11 yo is just starting to do regular academics - he's learning to type, practicing his hand writing, and practicing piano every day.  Soon he'll start doing a wee bit of math.  My 8 year old isn't reading yet.  His brothers didn't start reading until after 9, yet by 11 both were reading at an adult level, so I'm not worried.  He's learning to type and practicing his handwriting, but mostly because he wants desperately to be like his big brother.  The younger two (8 & 11) spend most of their days playing - legos, k'nex, making things out of cardboard or wood scraps, dueling, shooting each other, and -yes- bickering for entertainment.

Just throwing in that last bit to keep it real here.  I hate reading stuff about how perfect someone's life is.   My life's not picture perfect, just humanly lovely imperfectly perfect - except when it's not.  
That's what wine is for. ;-p

Books for Sensitive Young Readers and Read Alouds

My kids have always been more sensitive than their peers, and I don't know that I mean that in a good way.  There are some Disney movies we have yet to make it through because Disney offs the mom in so many.  That's too much for my kids.  In books they could take a little more, but still, it was sometimes hard finding books that engaged them but didn't leave them whimpering or refusing to finish.  Lego Kid read only non-fiction for years.  It was a real challenge to find fiction that both engaged him and that he could tolerate.

This came up on one of my lists today.  I'm glad to know it's not just my kids.  Here's a list of books of good books for young sensitive kids.

Personally vouch for these:

Winnie the Pooh,, by A.A. Milne - ok, anything by A.A. Milne
Milly Molly Mandy, by Joyce Lankester Brisley
The Teddy Robinson Story Book, by Joan Robinson
Twig, by Elizabeth Orton Jones
Puck of Pook's Hill, by Rudyard Kipling
Reward and Fairies, by Rudyard Kipling
Kenny and the Dragon, by Toni DiTerlizzi
The Dragon of Lonely Island, by Rebecca Rupp
My Father's Dragon, by Ruth Stiles Gannett
The Wind in the Willows, by Kenneth Grahm
Frog and Toad books by Arnold Lobel (pretty much anything by Arnold Lobel)
Little Bear books, by Elsa Holmund Minarik
Henry and Mudge books, by Cynthia Rylant
Freddy stories by Walter R. Brooks
The Zoom Trilogy, by Tim Wynne-Jones, illustrated by Eric Beddows
Anne of Green Gables, by L.M. Montgomery
Five Children and It, by Edith Nesbit
The Mouse and the Motorcycle, by Beverly Cleary (actually the whole Ralph S. Mouse series is good)
The Rover Adventures, by Roddy Doyle -warning, these are pee-your-pants-funny and have low brow humor that my 5 yo boys loved.  I loved them too.

Recommended from the list, that I may check out later:

Moomin books
The Adventures of Nils
Homer Price
Centerburg Tales
Hank the Cowdog series
Uncle Wiggly stories
Faraway Tree series
Willow Farm books
Children at Green Meadows
7 Day Magic, by Edgar Eager
The Enormous Egg, by Butterworth
Homer Price, by Robert McClowsky
Time Warp Trio series, by John Scieszka
The Borrowers
 books  by Dick King Smith
books  by Thornton Burgess
books by Enid Blighton
books by Robert McCloskey
stories by Joan Aiken  (The Necklace of Raindropos)

And in case I missed something here is Pauline's List.

Kid at School?

12/15/11 As the sun was rising this morning I was driving to drop off Bit-Boy at our "neighborhood" middle school. He's always been a social kid, and I think attending 8th grade O.W.L. at church has piqued his interest in being around more age peers. So, he arranged to shadow an 8th grade neighbor/friend.

12/16/11 Bit Boy told me he'd like to look into going to school part time. Oh Lordy, here we go. I'd rather have him home for so many reasons, but this is something he really wants. And really, how do you tell your kid "NO! You can't go to school!" and still sound rational? ;-)

12/18/11 I attended a meeting with the councilor and Bit-Boy. She's very excited and says he can take as few or as many classes as he wants. Registar steps in and says "No. You need to check with the principal." So we put our conversation on hold and the councilor agrees to contact me with the principal's response.

12/22/11 We have our meeting with the principle. Bit-Boy is excited to have a chance to go to school. He is leaning "61%" towards going part-time. (Compared to 39% in favor of homeschooling full time.) Meeting prompts me to write an urgent vent to my homeschooling-mom-friends:

I need some hugs. Arg!! I'm really not liking this, and there are very few people I can complain to, since few people see why this is a problem for me.

Bit-Boy is very clear in wanting to try going to school, but wanting to go only part time. What he wants out of the experience is to see what being in school is like and to meet more kids his own age. If the only option was full time or not going, he'd choose to not go.

This morning we went to sign up Bit-boy for 8th grade (part-time attendance). This was the 2nd time this week, and the 3rd time within the last 7 days that we've been to L., our neighborhood school. We met with the principal, the councilor and the English teacher.

The councilor is great. Kind, articulate, and open to doing what is best for the student and family. The English teacher seemed receptive to the idea of taking on a student who'd had no formal schooling.

After confirming that part-time was an option, the principal, Mr. D., gave us the hard sell on full time enrollment. He spent 45 + min. lecturing us. When I said full time enrollment wasn't on the table for discussion, he pushed back. First he tried to explain that there was no way that we could meet Alex's academic needs. I explained that Bit-Boy is reading at an adult level and would be ready for college level engineering courses by the time he was 15. He expressed skepticism. I showed him Bit-Boy's most recent PASS test scores. A moment of silence.

He then moved on to explain how there was much more to school than academics and that they were all about getting kids ready for the "next step" (being ready for high school). He talked about how pushing kids too hard academically was bad. (I didn't mention the unschooling bit) I can't even remember now all the stuff he said. I don't know if he realized how big a hole he was digging when he went on about all the "social" situations that Bit-Boy would be exposed to in school. He went on to say he expected that Bit-Boy would have so much fun that he'd want to be full time, and even want to come back to do 8th grade full time there next year. (eyeroll)

Aloud, I turned to Bit-Boy and pointed out that Mr. D was giving him the hard sell on going full time, and asked Bit-Boy if he was going to be up to dealing with that for a semester. Then the principal said "Oh, no. I won't push him." (But that was what he'd been doing right in front of me for almost an hour. Can expect him to do better when I'm not around?)

All I could think is that this man believes his school is better at raising children than parents, and that the entire point of "school" is to keep kids so busy they don't have time for anything else.

Running errands afterwards, Lego Dude said "If Bit-Boy likes it there, maybe I should go too?" I could cry. This child is not ready for the social aspect of middle school. He is just coming into the quantum leap in learning that Bit-Boy experienced from 11-13 yo. I so don't want him in school. I don't want to deal with all the stuff he'd bring home, I don't want him to deal with all the stimulation just when he's starting to find himself. Also, I like my kids and don't want them gone all day. They'll be leaving soon enough (obviously).

Bit-Boy even thinking of attending middle school is changing our family culture. I am not wanting this change. Even though I knew something like it was coming, I thought it would be later. I figured around 10th grade he could start at the community college, take some AP classes at one of the high schools, try a co-enrollment situation, or take some on line courses from a university. All of which could still happen of course, I just feel like the adults at the school are going to be doing their best to brainwash him that he's been abused by homeschooling and that if he doesn't go to school full time he'll miss out on all the important things in life.

I also really hate feeling judged by someone. Especially someone who is so biased against our lifestyle. When I called him on it, pointing out that our homeschooling was a family choice and no reflection on him, L., or public schools, he responded - "Oh, I'm not biased. I'm all for choice." So now, in the space of an hour, he has established a pattern of doing/saying something while not accepting responsibility for his actions.

OK. I know, this email all about me. Yup. I'm wallowing.
But I'm still letting Bit-Boy try school, so good on me, eh?

Whew! I was so worked up. All this led to some great discussions with Firelord, with Bit-Boy, with Lego Dude, and with Hot Dog. And then more discussion with all of us together.

I wrote to another friend:
Bit-Boy is enrolled to start at the middle school starting Jan 9, part time. They have a wacky schedule, "blue" days and "yellow" days, but get this: The blue and yellow days alternate. One blue, one yellow, so you can't assume that all Mondays are the same, or even that every other Monday will be the same, since there are occasional no school days that shift the schedule. It's insane. Of course, it doesn't matter if you give your kid up to the school from 7:25-3:30 everyday, although the kids need to keep track of the days so they prepare the assignments for the correct class. (eyeroll)

One thing I realized is that I've made such an effort to be sure the kids understood that going to school was a legitimate choice for families (because at one point they'd been lording their homeschooling over some jealous schooled friends) that I hadn't spent much time explaining why I still believed that homeschooling was the best option for our family.

Another thing that came up is the whole giftedness and right brained discussion. Ugh. I really haven't had to get into the nitty gritty of IQ or academic ability before. We just did what we were interested in, at our own pace, and didn't worry about it. Now come to find out that Bit-Boy is working way ahead of level. And, in fact, Bit-Boy and I came to realize that given what the school had to offer academically, he should be in the middle of highschool, except that his pace of work would be slowed down if he went at the rate of a normal class. BTW Mr. D said he could go to the high school for this and that, and a local high school prinicpal has offered him a place anytime - but that doesn't quite meet the social needs that started all this, does it?

So what does a kid do when he wants a pack of his intellectual and emotional peers? Can't happen, at least not in semi-rual place with as low a population as this. He's going to have to settle for age mates, and folks of all ages who share his interests, without a whole lot of overlap.

What happened? I tried to be Zen about it and not be attached to any particular outcome. I talked myself into thinking that this would be a good growth experience for him. I did my utmost to keep my dismay to myself. Bit-Boy is pretty head strong, so I wasn't too worried he'd try to please me. Good thing.

He weighed his options. Comparing not only his experience shadowing his friend at the school, but also listening to what she and his other schooled friends shared about their school experiences. He compared how he spends his time to how they spend theirs: time spent sleeping, time spent on academics, time spent with friends, amount of freetime, amount of extra activities, etc.

What did he decide? You know, after 3 meetings at the school; putting me through hour and a half meeting with the blow hard principal, the tolerant English teacher and the patient councilor; the reams of paperwork, etc...? He decided he didn't even want to try it for a week or two. After all that thought... he'd rather sleep in.

I seriously thought about it, but I didn't actually put him on the 1 hour busride into school

The weirdness never ends....

This has been the strangest day. Down right weird.

Just now my 7 & 10 yo decided to practice. Piano. All on their own. At 7pm. After an exceptionally long day. And then my 10yo old said "I love to practice." "Now I see why you wanted me to learn piano."

See what I mean? Coming from him, that's just weird.

Our exceptionally long day was spent at an FLL tournament. It was a crazy busy day. But that's ok, right? Because after today we're done for the season. Right...

Right off the bat, at 9am, we had our Project Presentation followed by Technical Judging at 9:20. They ran the robot for the judges and had an interview to discuss their robot and programs. Everything went wrong with the robot run. My team has had a low scoring robot game this season as it is. The team really didn't get a chance to show their stuff. I didn't get to hear the actual tech interview, but it had to go better than the run! Except I had to interupt it to get the team to their 9:40 team work exercise. That probably didn't help. I thought they probably did ok with the teamwork exercise, since they looked liked they were having a good time. (Coaches aren't allowed to do more than watch from a distance) Then we had some practice runs, lunch, and our scored runs. Followed by 2 hrs of presentations and awards. (The first hour of presentations are just vamping so that the judges have some time to complete their rankings and award decisions. I should post about the judging process sometime.)

At the same time our sibling team was making the same rounds with just a slightly different schedule. And I mean sibling team literally. There were 4 sets of siblings each split between the 2 teams that practice at my house, plus a couple of extra kids on each team. ( A couple of weeks ago ds10 quit his team, but I think that story needs to be a different post. Can I just say that things are crazy and I'm confused no end on so many levels, about so many things?)

It was a long day. And it's tough to keep the kids positive by the end of it. We were all tired and getting short tempered by the end. Then.... Then...

The sibling team took the 2nd place award in Project Research - but the description of their work mirrored my team's (because, did I mention? It was a sibling team. So we did all our field trips together, shared research, etc.. There was a lot of cross pollination between teams.) My team was literally getting to their feet as the description of the award winning work was listed when they heard the other team's name and number called. Such conflict! They were so happy for their sibling team - and so disappointed for themselves. I was proud of them, even though their faces showed their disappointment, they congratulated the other team, and were truly glad for them.

And the awards went on. And on. There were 49 teams at this tournament each being acknowledge and picking up their tournament medals (which were very cool this year), with 25 awards given. I wouldn't want to deny any team their time in the lime light, but we were ready to go home. The kids started chatting, not kindly, about a kid they knew from another venue, when their name was called - for the 1st place Gracious Professionalism award.

Can I just write this again?

My team. You know, the team that has been beaning each other with snowballs, bashing each other with boffers, and refusing to run the robot with "him" because of one thing or another, got 1st Place Gracious Professionalism.

To top it off our team got an invite to compete at the state tournament. Only 12 out of 49 teams from this tournament got such an invite.

The sibling team didn't get an invite. It was their turn to practice being happy and disappointed at the same time. They were gracious.

You could have knocked me over with a feather. Of course, that could be the exhaustion as much as the shock.

But wait. There's more.

After we put the littles to bed the sibling team's coach called me. A mistake had been made at the tournament. A team that didn't submit a project had accidentally been issued an invite to state. You have to submit a project to qualify for state. The sibling team earned the last golden ticket to the state tournament.

We're going to state. Both teams. 4 more weeks of practices.

Watch that feather, 'cause I'm just not that steady right now.

Way behind?

I have been negligent in my postings. I have several have unfinished posts, and I have no idea when, or if, I'll get back to them. So I thought I'd share with you a recent find.

I'm sure many of you will have already heard of Paul Graham. After reading some of his essays, I feel sure I should have discovered him before. He may or may not realize it, but he's an unschooler at heart. Certainly he inspired me to write this post. He's definitely not going to win any popularity contests. He's subversive. I like that.

Terra Firma

Recently on an email group an issue I have dealt with came up. The post went something like this:
"My right brained child felt as if something was 'wrong' or 'missing'. He was profoundly sad." I've had similar experiences with my kids.

Right brained kids are exceptional, in many ways. Most of those ways are easy to understand, visual, kinetic, spacial, learns whole to part, sees the big picture, etc. Other ways can be more difficult. RBers can be highly sensitive, have over-excitabilities, be prone to depression or melancholy, keenly aware of the differences between themselves and others, among other things. There are also those RBers who are what some call "profoundly gifted".

Giftedness comes with certain attributes. It is important to honor and address all those attributes, not just the more socially acceptable intellectual ones. These kids can feel things deeply. I think it's important to respect that, but my experience has been is also really helpful to put it in perspective for them.

Some examples:

Once, when he was 4yo, my middle child refused a piece of chocolate because it was "all space. It's just space between the atoms." He has also felt sad about not having friends who "get" him completely. "You're my best friend Mom, but it's not the same as a real friend" (I posted about the friend issue in an earlier post.) What I have found is that when he is tired and/or stressed his existential angst is highest.

With my tired existentialist, trying to rationalize with him when he's emotional doesn't help. A list of friends and activities or a sensory exploration of the solidness of objects, would just escalate the situation. I have to be very matter of fact (in a loving way). "You're tired. Go to bed. We'll talk in the morning" or "We'll talk about this after you eat." has helped a great deal. Then later I point out how certain things bother him more under certain situations, and we come up with a plan on how to deal with it when it happens. He's given me a control phrase that means "I'm going to take charge now and help you, because you can't help yourself." It gives him a great sense of security knowing that I will take over when he becomes overwhelmed.

Another example is the kid who takes a situation to the extreme in his imagination:
"Mom, look at this rash. Am I going to die?" "A splinter! MOM! I need a doctor." When this started with my oldest I took it very seriously - that just fed energy into the situation. As he got older and this behavior didn't modify, I started responding to these kind of things with humor. I'd look very serious, sad, and loving, and saying something like "Hasn't it been a good life?" "A life is a life, no matter how short" or a brief "It's been good knowing you, kid." The first time he was shocked, but then we laughed together, and now when I do it he can grin and know that if I don't take it seriously he doesn't have to.

We need to honor our children's experiences. We need to learn as much as we can about how they learn and support them with that. We need to learn from the experience of others in similar situations. We also need to be terra firma for our kids, centering them, and helping them realize their connections to the objective world and diverse people around them.

Post from a 9 year old's note book

Wild Child's Childhood ( As dictated to Mom one night)

I'm writing this down because I want other people to know how I think. I want other children to know what my childhood was like, even after I'm dead.


I wish I knew what it was like as a child who would grow to be a great writer, or inventor or composer. I think it might have felt like what I feel. I don't think other people feel like I do.


Sometimes I have a hard time with my emotions. Sometimes I think I'm a little depressed.


My mind is a little like a computer. I have a big screen in my mind and I can see what I'm thinking. There's not much smell or sound, but there are pictures. Sometimes there aren't pictures, but I can see my thoughts on the screen.


Those people who know about minds? They wouldn't understand mine. I want to tell people, but they wouldn't understand.


I don't want to talk to a therapist. I don't like talking. I don't like talking to people. You're (mom) the person I can talk to. You know me best.


I'm not a social person. I don't talk to people about stuff.

(You have lots of friends says Mom) Yes, but we do stuff, we don't talk about stuff. I can talk to you about stuff.


I've always wanted to fly. Phtt That's why I invented phtt the floater feet. Phtt I think of things. I want to fly with wings phtt not in a plane, but flying where I can see phtt things close phtt (phtt is the noise he is making as he talks, think kid airplane engine noise)


(This is after I've given him a notebook and he's drawn his idea for this invention. His ideas come faster than he can write/draw, so he gets frustrated, but he's agreed that trying to write them is better than not)

Math struggles

A friend on a list posted something like this:

"My 7yo struggles with math every single day. It takes us at least an hour and a half every day with her crying and we're still getting nowhere. I struggled the same way as a kid, and I'm not enjoying this."


Here's my response:

The great thing about homeschooling is that if what you're doing isn't working, you can do something else! Here are some of my thoughts. This is a subject I really care about. Math is really lots of fun! So if I get too passionate, forgive me. Take anything that works, and toss the rest. You know your family best.

I get that you're expecting a baby soon, and that keeping up with everything is starting to get overwhelming. Honestly, it's ok to just take a break, or at least relax your approach, until the baby is older and you're starting to come out of the baby fog. You could call it "extended spring break" or "unschooling" if you need to explain it to anyone (yourself included!)

7 is so young! I promise, you have plenty of time for her to learn what she'll need as an adult.

There's a fair bit of research that shows that emotional content affects learning. If what you're doing is hard on both of you, you're probably suffering needlessly. Things that have a positive emotional context tend to be remembered, with the positive emotions reinforcing the material. Negative emotions tend to be remembered too, associated with the material, and the material itself isn't remembered.

You say you struggled with math and still don't like it. I bet she picks up on this. She's a smart one. I think finding something you both enjoy, at least a little bit, could really help.

I have a B.S. in Engineering and a minor in mathematics. I loved math after about age 10. Before age 10/11 I was considered "remedial" but after I was "gifted". Both of these labels are wrong, made up to describe a child who doesn't meet the expectation of "average". Honestly, some kids just take longer to grow into themselves, and that is perfectly normal. She just might not be ready. Sometimes we get into our heads that we are "bad" at something, when really we just didn't meet another's arbitrary expectations. Unfortunately we can grow up believing someone else's inaccurate judgment of us.

So with all that in mind here are a few quick ideas to consider:

Set your curriculum aside for a bit. Take a break or try something else.

Play store, use play money to pay and make change. (My kids made up a game on their own where they cut pictures out of catalogs and then "sell" them to each other from their individual "store" and set up their own "house" or "town" using what they've purchased. )

Pennies are great manipulatives. Get some paper change rolls and roll the coins in your change jar. Give them to your favorite charity or use for a family treat.

Check out some books with math puzzles or math games from the library. We have math because it's useful and fun, work together to find out how it's useful and fun in your life.

Games - most games have an element of math in them, just play them! Have some fun! Try anything that uses dice, adds up points, has shapes, etc... Yatzee and Scrabble both use math. Legos, tiles, blocks, etc... all have innate mathematical relationships that help build math intuition.

Take a look at the book "Family Math" it has lots of games at different levels.

Check out Living Math for more ideas of how to "do" math, w/o boring work sheets.
http://www.livingmath.net/

There are so many ways to approach math, don't get stuck in something that isn't working for you.

Common struggles

On two entirely separate lists a similar topic came up. They went something like this (paraphrasing):

"My son is currently 6yo and in the 1st grade. He fights doing his school work. He's much more interested in playing with his LEGOs. He really hates writing, but I'm afraid to not make him do it. I am so stressed out."

or this

"My 7yo struggles with math every single day. It takes us at least an hour and a half every day with her crying and we're still getting nowhere. I struggled the same way as a kid, and I'm not enjoying this."

I posted about "language arts" earlier, and posted my response to the math here.

I hear the very real pain in these parent's voices. When both the parent and the child are struggling with homeschooling, it's time to change something.

When I write back (sympathetically I hope) I have to start with "They're still so little!" This is an age when they should still be playing. Play is a child's work. Play is how they learn. If you feel the need to guide their learning, then play with them! Don't make the learning process painful for either of you.

What's the Heinlein quote? "Never try to teach a pig to sing. It frustrates you and irritates the pig."

Unlike the pig, your child will learn, I promise. They might not learn the way you want or expect them too. By forcing something in a way that is contrary to their learning style, or too early, you run the very real risk of turning them away from something that presented differently, or just a little later, would be very natural and satisfying to them.

Folks, don't irritate the pig.

Some days are like this, and some are like that

Yesterday at park day a friend said she wanted to "pick my brain". She had a not so wee baby wrapped on her, as well as a 5 year old and 7 year old running around.

"How do you do it?" she asked. She seemed tired and frazzled. "What do your days look like?"

So, here it is. What our days look like.

Some look like today. It's spring break in our local school district, so my oldest has a public schooled friend over. They're playing Magic the Gathering, safe from little brothers in the sanctuary of his bedroom. The two brothers across the street are off school too, so my younger two are outside playing with them, drawing a village on the side walk with chalk. When I'm done typing, maybe I'll go do some spring cleaning in the garden and spread some brown gold around. These are golden days.

Some days look like last Tuesday. We were home all day. My 11 year old did his piano practice and math before he got on the computer. My 8 year old decided HE wanted to do math too and picked up the first Life of Fred, doing the first test. Later in the day he asked if he could start Math-U-See and proceeded to do the first beta test. When our piano teacher got here I had to tell him to stop doing math so he could have his piano lesson. My 5 year old felt left out so got out markers and a write-on/wipe-off mat and practiced his numbers. Just before bed time the younger two were doing dot-to-dots, and the oldest was working on The Python Challenge. Wow! With the kids begging for more math, I tell you, I felt like a brilliant homeschooling mom.

Then there are other days. There are days when we have to do laundry, and the children are fighting, and it seems like every set of toys with small parts has been out on the floor for eons. There are days when we are running around doing errands and picking up and dropping off from classes, just to come home exhausted and grumpy.

The days I notice that the spoodge around the toilet is beginning to look back at me, the weeds are as tall as the children, my energy is falling and my temper is rising -these are real homeschooling days too. I don't write about them too often, I figure any parent would know those days are to be expected. I realized talking to my friend at the park, maybe you don't know. Maybe you think my days are really all golden magic math days. They're not. Still, I'm here to tell you it's O.K. The golden days will come, the hard days will pass. What your focus on is your own choice.

I could tell my friend was "doing" more than enough. This stage in our parenting lives, with little ones and babies, is a great time to explore unschooling and relaxed eclectic homeschooling. I'm not suggesting unparenting, nor am I suggesting letting the children run the house hold. I'm suggesting that we think about what is really important to us and then choose where we'll spend our energy.

If we treated left brained children like we do right brained children

Thank the gods that we live in a world with a variety of people. We need all of us to muddle through. I, for one, am grateful for the presence of those who are able to easily keep accounts, and even enjoy the process. I wish though that the processes and skills of right brained people were as appreciated, especially in the years of childhood. Too bad the world in general, and schools in particular, are currently dominated by the left brained mentality.


What if it wasn't? What if right brained processes were more valued? What if children were made to feel bad if they couldn't draw or make music? What if the inability to write and tell a good story was an obstacle to success? What if not visualizing in 3D was considered a learning disability? What if we had remedial creativity classes? What if the delayed learning of creative skills such as playing an instrument, singing, drawing, fiction writing, designing, etc. were emphasized at an early age? Would we improve the overall creativity of these poor people?


I think we can teach creativity. It's true that for these creativity disabled children, creativity may always be a struggle, but it's important to make sure that they are well balanced and able to be creative as adults. If we don't start now, it will only be more difficult for them as they get older. Imagine not being able to perform with an ensemble as an adult. Imagine the shame in needing a camera to make pictures, to record feelings, rather than being able to draw and paint original pieces. Imagine the inability to tell an original story. We can all understand the financial hardship that would be caused by not being able to create innovative products and business models. Such a life might well be said to be hardly worth living.


In fact, there are many techniques for helping the creativity disabled to exercise their weak creativity. Brainstorming techniques can be taught and practiced, improving many aspects of creative writing. Extra instrument practice, as well as more time with composition instruction, will improve their musicality. Remedial art classes, including visualizing and identifying color gradations, can help improve the artistic abilities of these slower children.


It's true that there are some children so disabled that they will never compose a truly unique piece of music of any real quality. There will always be some so challenged that their inability to write a story will never be remediated. Not every child can be an artist. But all can be taught to achieve a certain baseline level of technique. Many of these children are just slow to develop and access their right brained abilities. Given time and remediation many will achieve a basic skills. In time, with our help, I believe many of these kids will straighten out.


Luckily, for those who are unable to learn creativity, there are some jobs still available to the disabled. Even so, we must never give up trying to correct and improve their deficiencies. Much research is being done and new treatments will soon be available that will allow even more disabled children to achieve creativity.

Origami Math, take 2

Here's a little more of our process as we follow up our interests. This research and sharing goes during the day, between playing, practicing, laundry, etc... (notice how it's morphed)

Hey! This MIT tenured professor, an origami mathematician, was home schooled. How cool is that?

Following some links we found TreeMaker on Robert Lang's website. If you want to try it yourself, scroll down the Treemaker site to find the free downloads. He gives you access to the source code, if you are interested in playing with/modifying the program itself.

My 11 yo spends a few minutes playing with the newly downloaded TreeMaker while his younger brothers look on. He's intrigued, but the LEGOs call, and he also wants to use GameMaker to program.

Later, my husband and 11yo play with TreeMaker some more. It's neat that my son was learning about "lines of symmetry" in his Life of Fred book and then it comes up again in origami. They print out something to fold. It takes them a while to figure out the meaning of the fold lines, but they end up with something with 5 flaps that could be turned into an animal or person. Cool!

Grr.... The PBS show I wanted isn't showing on the one station we get here. (We don't have cable or satellite TV) The library doesn't have it. .... Ha! I found "Independent Lens, Between the Folds" at Netflix. Yea me!

Random: A fellow homeschooler posted to my local group this link to Box Car and One Eyed Jack games to teach math. Nothing to to with origami, but I bet the kids would enjoy some of these.

I discover Math Mansion and find a couple of videos on line. I let the kids watch them on my lap top while I brush my teeth this morning. 8 and 5 year old love it, 11 yo isn't impressed.

Anyway, you get the idea. One idea leads into another. I share what I find with the kids. Eventually something sparks their interest and they follow that until they're done. The amazing thing to me, after having been the student who promptly forgotten content as soon as the test was done, is that the kids remember this stuff ages later. What they learn having fun, exploring, and investigating for themselves, they remember. They OWN that stuff.

Visual games/toys

Cindy of "Apple Stars" categorizes Right Brained learners in to types.
All of my boys seem to have some "builder" type traits. Here are some wonderful distractions that they have enjoyed and that I think other builder/visual learners would like.

Fractiles, magnetic tiles that fit together on a magnetic board to make beautiful, interesting, and mathematical patterns. Art worthy, but has small edible-sized tiles.

We bought Zome Tool before we even had children. It is rods and balls that fit together to make shapes intriguing and, alas, fragile. Warning, these are addictive. You'll need more than one set if you want your kids to share with you. Also, it has small parts, so if your toddler or dog eats small bits, you'll want to be careful.

Puzzellations, magnetic backed foam shapes that tile to make patterns.

LEGO Create-it, a board game that apparently isn't being made anymore, so now I'll describe it and you can decide if it's worth making it. There are several cards with parts illustrated and instructions to make a small vehicle. Each person gets a card. Turns are taken and dice rolled to move around a board and determine number (if any) and color of lego pieces that make be acquired each turn. When you have all your parts, build! Hmm.... never mind, just give the kids some dice and the LEGOs and see what happens.

Blokus, tiles shaped a little like pentominos. This is fun played according to the rules, with your own made up rules, or just to make pretty designs.

Tessera, the perpetual puzzle, another one we got to play with before the kids grew into them. Our set is sturdy and elegant. I wish we'd bought more. With 3 kids we don't have enough for everyone to use at once, and I haven't seen any exactly like them for several years.

And, on the anti-recommend list is a recent thrift store find, Lost in a Jigsaw II. This is a 515 piece jigsaw puzzle with every piece fitting every other piece. AND the picture is such that it can be put together wrong and still look fine from a distance! We are ripping out our hair. My eyeballs are bleeding. I think I'll regift it to a puzzle loving in-law. :-D

Origami Math

I've had a lot of people ask me about my approach to homeschooling. I thought today I'd walk you through how we approach a topic. I'm writing this as I do it, popping back and forth between tabs on my laptop.

Yesterday at a song circle, a friend was talking about a great PBS show she saw. I forget what it was called, but I remember it had origami, math, a young prof from MIT .... Enter google. (I LOVE the web!) I google some key words and find this "The Independent Lens, Between the Folds". This looks like what she was talking about, so I make a note of when I might find it airing on our local PBS station. Hmm.... wonder if the library has it? Check. Nope. Shrug.

Got some interesting hits with my initial search. I'll go check them out.
Oooh! Here's a cool TED talk with Robert Lang. The kids will love that. Here's a follow up video. Amazing. I don't know what I liked better, the blind folded guy doing the intricate origami, or the cellist with the custom 5 string electric cello.

Well, actually I do know. Cello. Hands down. What was that!?! I see if the library has any of his CDs. Checking. No, they don't. Hmm, usually I have better luck getting stuff at the library... I'll think about inter-library loan. I will have to spend some time find his stuff later. OK, back to the origami math.

Tons of hits, pictures, blogs, ideas, more ideas, when I google "origami math". I look at a few, and bookmark any that look promising. (Using folders under "homeschool/ideas/resources/math, it's important to bookmark things into sorted folders if you're me, otherwise you'll never find them again in the pile of unsorted bookmarks that represent my online life)

OK, now I need to go to bed. Tomorrow we have an at home day and I'll show the kids the video. Note to self, be prepared to find the origami paper and books, maybe explore how exactly one would program a computer to help you design the folds, and if any of the programming and math are within the reach of a bright 8-11 year old.

How to start with First LEGO League (LEGO robotics)

My oldest has been on an FLL team for the last 3 seasons (10 weeks, Sept. - Nov.). It's been a wonderful experience for him. I coached his team this last year, and was assistant coach the year before that. I can tell you that coaching is a lot of work, especially as a homeschooling parent with 2 kids too young to be on the team. With the help of the other parents on the team though, we were able to make it work.

It was so worth the effort! FLL teaches so much. I could rave on, but I'll save that for another post. :-) For now, here are some places to gather your own info.

First, just get some information about the First Lego League. Poke around their website.
Check out the "start a team" link.
Check out this year's challenge.
If it's tournament season, check out some local events.
If you have just a day to spare and want to see what a tournament is really about, volunteer to help at a local tournament.
If nothing else, check out some of the great FLL and LEGO robotic videos on youtube.

Finding friends

A question has come up on one of my groups again. It's an issue often enough that I decided to blog about it.

The question goes something like this: (please,forgive all the slashes)

"My child doesn't have any friends. S/he is quiet/reserved and imaginative/creative and/or active/physical/kinetic. S/he doesn't seem to "click" with others easily."

First of all, why is this an issue? (No. I'm not being facetious.) Does your child want more friends or do you want your child to have more friends? Some kids really would rather not bother with friends, especially when they're very young and/or have siblings they enjoy. Is your child content playing on their own or with siblings? Is your child asking you to be their playmate more often that works for you?

It's important to understand how much of this is your issue and how much is theirs. It's perfectly legitimate for it to be your issue. Something like "My kid is driving me crazy. He has too much energy for me and needs someone else to work it out with" is a perfectly good reason to search out friends, but it may require a different approach than "My child was crying and told me that he wanted more friends." There seems to be certain Right Brained kids that are not extroverts and it's important that we respect that, even if we have compelling reasons for wanting to them make more and deeper connections with others.

My middle child suddenly noticed he didn't have any friends a couple of years ago when he was six. My heart just ached for him. I wanted so much to fix it, but it wasn't something I could "do" for him. It's been a process for both of us.

I noticed much earlier, but since he didn't care I gave up worrying about it. Once he expressed a desire for friends it became something we've worked on together. While he's very empathetic, he's not one for whom friendship has come easily. We've had to talk about what makes a person a friend and how to be a friend.

We've talked about what it means to be a friend, how you know if someone is your friend, the different kinds of friends. There are friendships based around a shared activity, friendships based on physical location, friendships based on a feeling of kindred spirit, etc... It's possible to have many different kinds of friends to meet different needs.

I have boys, and I know their friendships can be different than that of girls, but here's my experience, for what it's worth.

Park days, church, classes and such are a great way to meet people, but not a great way to build a real friendship. When we have the opportunity to meet new friends I look for characteristics I know will be good matches for the child I'm thinking of. I look for similar interests, similar energy level, emotional maturity/awareness (or lack there of :-P ). For instance, my oldest loves books, games, robots, electronics, so it's easy for him to build friendships around these interests. My middle child has more energy than an entire gymnastics team, so he does better w/ someone who also has a lot of physical energy and doesn't mind a bit of tussling. (Also, the child's parent needs to be ok w/ that level of physicality, so if their child is already like that I don't have to explain so much). At different times my kids have done better with kids older or younger than them.

When we really want to make a friend we arrange a one on one play date with someone that we'd like to know better. It's nearly always a "family" play date. In fact, sometimes the other parent and I will not point out that it's a "play date" for the kids at all. We'll just say "we're going to visit my friend" or "my friend and her kids are coming over" and then encourage the kids to get out of our hair by giving them an activity near us while we chat. That takes some of the pressure of playing together off the kids. They're just hanging out because we make them, not because they're trying to be friends. I'm pretty up front w/ the other parent about how we need one on one time for the kids to warm up to a real friendship and most other parents have understood that.

If your child is having problems with friends gravitating towards a sibling rather than him/her, you might try looking for friends that are not likely to be as attracted to, or attractive to, the sibling. Maybe someone younger or older than the sibling, or w/ interests that are unique to your child? We've had that problem with my middle son. He's a bit wild, and wears out even the most energetic kids, isn't really great at using his words... His current two good friends are both also very energetic and creative, one a year older and one a year younger. The older one can gravitate to my oldest boy, which has hurt middle's feelings... We talked it through, and oldest becoming aware of the situation has worked to turn attention back to his brother sometimes, which has helped. Middle is learning to pay attention to body language and spoken language has also helped him realize that he needs to tone it down sometimes. (Room for growth here!) It's amazing what a couple of years of growth and intention have done though.

The final thing I would say is that it's more important to be comfortable in your own skin than to be popular. If a child feels good about himself it's easy to find others whose company he enjoys or to be comfortable without company.

OK, not the final thing. I never shut up, so there will probably be more somewhere later. ;-)

Gifted Dyslexic or Right Brained? Hmmm....

I just read a PDF that got me hot and bothered. It was attached to an email. I don't have a link. It was along the lines of this, and by the same authors. I often appreciate what they have to say, but I get weary of the dx approach.

Again, it's the "these kids are underachieving and need remediation". It's "here's what's wrong with them, and here's how to change it." Sheesh! Enough already!

Both of these bloggers say it better than I can.
http://www.throwingmarshmallows.com/right-brained-faq/general/where-can-i-learn-more-about-this-learning-style.html
http://applestars.homeschooljournal.net/an-introduction-to-the-creative-right-brained-learner/

I still have a fundamental disagreement with the premise of the article. They view these right brained characteristics as a problem, yet I don't think they are. I would argue that school is simply an institution that has been built around left brained traits rather than having room for right brained learners. Yes, in the institution of school RBers look like they have disabilities. In school RBers might need accommodations. In a place designed by RBer's LBer's would look pretty disabled too. It would be like making someone who is excellent at arithmetic, but awful at creative writing, keep pounding away at a novel that they have no interest in writing. It's like trying to make an nonathletic 5' tall 40 something female (me) into a professional basket ball player. It just doesn't make sense.

No one diagnosed me with dyslexia until I was 2 years into my engineering degree. So how much of a disability do I really have? My brain works differently then a lot of folks, but I think that the thing that makes spelling difficult is interlinked with what makes me - me. The music, the stories, the ability to see the way things connect and then bring that to others - I wouldn't trade all that to be a better speller. I tried to fit in. I worked as a payroll accountant. I was a secretary. I earned a living in LB jobs, but I wasn't very good at them and I hated it. How many excellent secretaries and accountants can design a bridge, write creatively, or play multiple instruments? If they can't, or don't want to, it doesn't make them disabled, does it?

The flaw is in the system, not the children. In school these right brained bright and motivated kids are told that there is something wrong with them. They are labeled, diagnosed, singled out, sometimes drugged. Is it a surprised if they become full of shame and self loathing? Why should we wonder that they start to have behavior problems in school? If this is a pattern that is repeated enough that SO many people notice that academic papers and books and diagnosis's are written, why is it we keep blaming the kids? Many of the problems described come AFTER the child has been taught that there is something wrong with him. It's pretty hard to behave well, to trust the system, when someone is asking the impossible of you. It's pretty hard to have good self esteem when you've been told continuously that there's something fundamentally wrong with you. What would it be like to be held to a standard you couldn't possibly meet? Either the child believes in himself and bucks the system, or believes the system, and turn on himself.

It's nearly impossible to make the institution of school work for RBers. It's so easy to shift the perspective and see that when allowed to play to their strengths, rather than continually try to fix weaknesses that are inherent to their strengths, they take off and FLY!

It's a fundamental paradigm shift. Focus on an individual's strengths, not their weaknesses. I mean really! Do we make professional engineers take remedial creative writing? Do professional wrestlers need calculus? In the real world, the adult world, we focus on what we're good at. If we really need to work on something we do. If that doesn't help, we figure out a work around and move on.

I get very nervous when we define a narrow place as "normal" and then work to get everyone there. "Normal" people don't write science fiction, design micro-processors, compose opera, paint masterpieces.... Yes, sometimes these traits can be disabling, but it's important to make sure it's a true disability, and not just a mismatch with an unnecessary system.

There's a reason there are so many different kind of people in the world. We need ALL of them. We need all of us.

Dr. Temple Grandin Talk

I was lucky enough to have a chance to see Dr. Temple Grandin speak in person at our church recently. Dr. Grandin is a professor of Animal Science at Colorado State University. She was also diagnosed with autism as a small child. Her parents were encouraged to institutionalize her, but chose a different route. She is well known not only for her professional accomplishments, which are many, but for her work advocating for people with her diagnosis. Her many books have given insight into how her own mind, and those of others with autism, work.

I was very interested to hear what she had to say. I have some very right-brained kids, not quite autistic, but one at least might get an ADHD diagnosis if he had to sit still in school. From "Right-Brained Children in a Left-Brained World" I understand that ADHD is "on the spectrum" of right-brained to autistic. My experience has been that a good chunk of the population, certainly of the people I know and love, are more right-brained than left-brained, so this is a topic I migh explore some more.

It was eerie how much I recognised as she described herself, not only in my kids, but in me! There was so much she touched on, and the subject isn't one in which I'm well versed, so I'm sure I missed a lot. I want to read her books now, so I can learn more about this from her perpective.

I am jotting down my notes here, mostly so that I have them somewhere where I can't loose them, but also to share them with you. I'd be very interested in what your experiences are and how closely her experience and beliefs match your experience.

I recognised her experience, yet I'm not sure I completely agree with all of her conclusions. She very much credits her "50's upbringing" and mainstreaming in school with her ability to function so well. After the talk I asked her if she had any experience with homeschooled austistic kids. It seemed that she didn't, but supported the idea for high school aged kids. (She hated high school). She then went on to say she would be concerned about elementary aged kids being homeschooled. When I asked why she said (all together now) "socialization". (Head shaking. Sigh. Is there anywhere homeschoolers don't get this?) She was busy with book signing, so that was the end our of brief exchange, but I would have liked to talk with her more about this.


Notes: (remember that I'm RBed too, have awful handwriting, poor short term memory, and am stuck inside w/ 3 active boys due to a blizzard and so have distracted attention. If my notes don't make sense to you, it's me, not her!)

She defines herself as a "completely visual thinker"
Early intervention is important
Keep child engaged
kids often have sensory issues (some can't see and hear at the same time)
attention shifting problems
recommends developing areas of strength (don't dwell on weaknesses)
OK to skip subjects (like algebra) that they just don't get - move on!

Listed 3 kinds of thinkers (all can be on the spectrum)
1-Visual (thinks in pictures, good at/enjoys drawing)
2- Musical/mathematical (pattern oriented)
3 - Verbal (often likes history, poor at drawing)

Tips for supporting kids on the spectrum

Teach in many places, give lots of data/experiences so they can categorize
Teach flexible thinking
find friends via shared interests
"fill their internet"
use manipulatives for math
recognise that their fear is often on overdrive, they are anxious and vigilant
50's upbringing helped her learn social skills - taking turns, use manners, please others, do as asked, consistant expectations (between home and school), bad behavior not tolerated
use fixations to movitvate
address sensory issues

Prepare for employment - find work, mentors, show kids variety of occupations and activities, build portfolio, read various trade journals, sell skills (not personality)

She emphasized that it's important to learn to do and complete an assignment in order to be employable.

She had so much more, a list of famous people who would have been diagnosed in modern times, a long discussion of meds, comparisons of scans of her brain vs. a "normal" brain, funny asides, her insight on animals and her professional work, comments about the HBO special being made about her life....


If any of you have heard her speak, read her books, or have any insight into this, I'd love to hear from you!

It's Official

I have 3 Right Brained Boys.

I had my doubts about our youngest (3). He seems so verbal, so able (for his age) to process linear thinking... But now I know. He's a performer, a writer, and possible anarchist, in the making.

He's been listen to his 7yo brother and me read the Captain Underpants series together. This has inspired him to tie an old red pj top of mine around his neck, strip to his underwear and run around being Capt. U. This is well within the range of normal 3yo behavior, in my experience. But then...

But then, today, he came to me and said "Did you know Captain Underpants has an evil twin?"
Me "?"
Him "Yes. And when you take off your cape and your underwear, then you're the evil twin" and then he showed us Captain Underpants EVIL TWIN.

So now you know. Beware the evil twin. ;-)

Disease-ifying the human condition

I was able to surprise my husband this morning by proving that "Oppositional Defiant Disorder" was an actual clinical diagnosis and not something I made up to describe the behavior of our strong willed and intense 6 year old. From the site : "Many children with ODD will respond to the positive parenting techniques." LOL! So is the problem with the kid, the parent, expectations, ... ?

It's tempting to generalize difficult situations and people into some sort of disorder. Slap on a label and prescribe a drug and you're done. It's a lot more time and energy consuming to address the underlying issues. Drugs and labels can be useful. They do have a place, but only after careful consideration, and only after ensuring that the environment is as healthy as possible.

Here are some websites about the kids that others are so quick to label.
The Explorer Webstar: The Positive Side of ADD
Strong Willed or Dreamer?
Highly Sensitive Checklist
Apple Stars (blog)