Games for sanity, or at least a little fun

Pleasant distractions are welcome, especially in this time of pandemic when we are trapped inside with the same people, day after day after day.  A recent New York Times article touted the value and joy of table top games.  Which is great, and it recommended a couple of good games (Patchwork and Japir), but they left out some of our favorites. 
We have a lot of games, as I've posted before, so I'm here to correct add to their list.

Carcassonne
Quirkle
Century Spice Road
Pandemic the Cure
VivaJava
King Domino
Xenon
Bonanza
Dominion
Wits and Wagers
Codenames
Las Vegas Dice
Dixit
Anomia
Geistes Blitz
Hey That's My Fish!
Gobblet
Trambahn
San Juan
Citadels
Sheriff of Nottingham

and so many more....

So how to pick?  I'd want to know about who you've got stuck in your house with you.

Want to buy a gateway game?  Quirkle and/or Carcassone

Party game?  Anomia, Wits and Wagers, Dixit, or Codenames

Need something quick and easy to learn?
Quirkle, Las Vegas Dice, Wits and Wagers

Some pre-reader or not-yet-fluent readers?  Remember, just because a kid isn't reading, doesn't mean they can't clean the table with you.
 How about Quirkle, Hey That's My Fish, Dixit, Gobblet, Geistes Blitz, Las Vegas Dice, King Domino, or Carcassone

Only two of you?  Try Gobblet, Carcassone, Quirkle, Hey That's My Fish!, Trambahn, San Juan, ...

For more details on each game and suggestions and ideas for more games, check out BoardGameGeek

If you want to play virtually with friends there are a few resources to try, TableTop Simulator and Tabletopia are some I've heard of.

Got a specific question or need?  Ask me, and I'll offer an opinion.
Let me know what your favorites are.  (but don't say Monopoly, please)

Surviving adolescence (theirs)

14/15 is an .... interesting age for my boys.

Bit-Boy despised us for a while, in a pretty low-key way, especially after I had a talk with him about not challenging the silver-back.  At 20 he's back to thinking maybe his folks are ok.

Lego Kid, man, 15 was a killer for me.  He felt that I personally had ruined his life in every possible way, starting from birth until that very moment.  He also seems to have gotten over it (mostly),

And now, now it's Hot Dog's turn.  He's at the stage where he needs to be exactly opposite of whatever it is I am.  The other week he informed me that he is not a Unitarian Universalist.  I think I disappointed him, when as a good UU parent, I remained nonchalant.  His religion (or lack there of) is his business.  UU's think God is big enough to take it. Then a couple of nights ago he informed me that he will register as a Republican when it's time.  He looked defiant and hopeful.  When I agreed with the rational he shared, I disappointed him again.   I think he expected me to swoon, or swear, or something. (Imagining me making the sign of the cross and backing away from him fearfully perhaps?)

Then this afternoon on the way home from track practice...

I love that look of disgust on your teen's face when they realize that not only is Mom not shocked with your choice of music, but it is her jam.
And she can thrash, and will, while driving, you, in public.


Honey, I LIVED through the 80's.  Nothing you do is likely to shock or embarrass me.


You've got to

fight
for the right
to
par-tay!

$2, what can it do?

What could you do with two dollars?  Maybe buy a cup of coffee.  Or a donut.  Not both.

This is the bill I didn't loose

At our church this last Sunday, we had a reverse offering.  Each person there was asked to take a $2 bill from the offering basket for each member of their house hold.  We were challenged to see what good we could do in the world with two dollars.

I took three $2 bills, one for me, and one for each of the kids still at home.  I imagined that I'd hand them out to my teens and we'd talk about our favorite charities.  It would be a very intellectual and meaningful conversation.  Maybe we'd decide to match the $2 donations to send to one of them.  Or maybe we'd use the combined $6 to buy some baking supplies and sell sweets at church   Even though it was a small amount, it was fun imagining what we'd do.

However, being me, being us, that's not what happened.  First of all, the teens weren't that much into charity, and while the Hot Dog (now 13 yo) thought a $2 bill was cool, Lego Kid was pretty blase.  Second, I had the bills in the side pocket of my purse, and at some point, while I was unloading groceries, two of the bills fell out of my purse, never to be seen by me again.

Of course they did.  That's my kinda of wiener dog luck.  Or, well, I'm a bit of a klutz.  Whatever.

Now, it's not like the loss of $4 is really a big deal, and it's not even that the loss of two $2 bills is really that upsetting.  After all, I can take my money to a bank and ask for it to be exchanged for $2 bills if I want.  It's just... I had plans for it.  Those. Exact. Bills.

I was sad when I got home, and I told Hot Dog about it.  That kid.  He was awesome.
"But maybe they were found by someone who could really appreciate it"

!!!
Right.
That's exactly right.

Now we got the fun of imagining what happened to those $2 bills.

A homeless person found them and was able to get some hot food from the grocery deli.

A little kid found one and thought it was play  money, until his mom told him it was real, and he could keep it!  He was so excited!!

A squirrel found one, carried it to it's nest to become part of the insulation that will keep it warm all winter.

It got caught in a car, drove away, and fell out, right in front of a little girl who picked it up and give it to her big brother.  He had been sad because his team lost last week, and she was so happy to be able to make him smile.

None of our stories was particularly brilliant, but we had fun imagining what happened to those two bills.  I felt better of the little loss of our bills.  We're so lucky, we know that we'll be able to continue to give to support the work of our church, even with out our $2 bills..  Our church is doing so much good in the community; Faith Family Hospitality, One Family One Village, the Larimer County Mobile Food Bank, becoming a Sanctuary church, these are just some of what we're doing right now.

Now it's your turn.  What would you do with your $2?
Leave your stories in the comments, and if you are moved, make a donation somewhere, maybe even Foothills Unitarian, and tell us what good you hope will come of your donation.

I'd do it again

Having children is probably the most selfish thing I've done.

Think about it.

I brought 3 human beings into this world.  I did it knowing that they would suffer, have pain, lose friends and family, giving birth, I knew some day they would die.
I brought 3 human beings into this over populated world.  This world so full of worry, sorrow, horror, and despair.  This world overburdened with Americans sucking up more than their fair share of resources, now has 3 more people living the American dream.

and I'm not sorry.  Not one bit.

I gave 3 human beings the biggest gift I knew - life.  Messy, complicated, challenging, life.  I gave birth to the three people I love best in the world.  Three people who I know, inside and out.  Three people who I will be forever discovering I don't know, because they change and grow every moment, they are not who I thought they were.  These tree people I will be forever discovering.   Three people whose eyes now show me a different world than the one I thought I knew, three different worlds in fact.

I wish it was a better world, safer, cleaner, fairer.  I try to do my part, I recycle, I donate, I volunteer, but the biggest thing I ever did to make this a better world was to give it my best, the very best I could do - be my children's mom.

Monopoly Sucks

Our family loves playing table top games.  I'm pretty sure we have a game for every occasion.  I honestly credit games with helping our family stay connected.

I learned early on, when my oldest was 12 and our first exchange student was with us, that teens have little to no interest in hanging with the family.  If I let him, our 17 year old exchange student would skip family activities at every opportunity.  After a couple of months, I learned not to let him.  As part of that we instituted Mandatory Family Game.  The traditions lives on, even now years after that student left our family.  Not only have I not regretted it, but now that they are older our former exchange sons and my oldest have said they were glad for the family time we've had.  So, you should play games not just because they're fun, not just because they're educational, but because they can literally help hold a family together.

Have I also mentioned that it's affordable?  While most games are quite affordable, some can cost as much as $50 or even more, but when you amortize it across the number of times it's played, and number of people who play it, it's cheaper than water.  Think about it.  How much does it cost to entertain your family?  For my family of 5 we're lucky to get a meal out for $40 (and that's at a fast food joint).  A movie?  That will set us back more than $50 just for the tickets, plus the cost of the requisite popcorn and soda. Now we're entertained for what,  2 hours?   A game can be played many times, by many people.   $50 bucks (most are cheaper) plus a bowl of popcorn can be not just one family game night, but many, for years to come.  Pennies for hours, years, of fun - and way cheaper than family therapy too.

You can tell we love games here.  Lots of different games.  Games of chance, strategy games, bluffing games, all sorts of games.  But, not all games.

For instance, Monopoly sucks, more than a vacuum.

There I said it.  I hate playing Monopoly.  It lasts F.O.R.E.V.E.R.  and it's boring, anddddddddddddddddd ugh.

So when a friend said her family had tried family game night and it always ended in a fight, and her husband didn't like to play games, I wasn't sympathetic the way a friend should be.  No, jerk that I am, I said "Then you're playing the wrong games.  What games are you playing?"  Because I'm that awful person who means well, thinks they can help, and doesn't wait to be asked their opinion.

The old standbys that most of us grew up gaming are... old.  Some are still great, but honestly there's a lot more out there than many folks know about.

For my friends with the bored husband and fighting kids I suggested Coup and Bang Dice.  Both are bluffing games, involving lying, killing, and winning by being the last one standing.  These games are fun for both adults and kids.  You don't need to be a great reader to play them. They work for 4 or more players.  We joke sarcastically about these games' great family values - but the kids not only love killing each other (and Mom and Dad), they seem to get along just a little bit better after working out some of their aggression in a game.

We probably have a game for just about any occasion, and a wide variety of player ages, numbers, and interest.  I love to review them for you, but I hardly know where to start.  Help me out?

What is your family like?  What are you looking for in a game?

If you let me know, I'll write up a post with some ideas that just might fit the bill.

Tonight's whine....

I am learning that there is no easy answer to improving the high school experience.

Homeschooled teen (back in the day) I'm bored, I want more teens to hang with, but gets to sleep in, do own projects, immerse himself in most recent passion. ( and later has no problem integrating into school setting)

14yo at traditional HS, has band, x-country, track, theatre, etc. but a boat load of pointless homework, no sleep, and more stress than is healthy or appropriate.

17yo at early college high school - no extras (like band, art, drama), but has college schedule, can sleep in, will graduate HS with 60+ college credits.
So, no matter what educational setting your kid is in, I salute you.

Good on ya for not strangling the kid or bashing the school!

As my 9th grader learns to "do" school, my 12th grader works through the college application process (at the same time as carrying a full college load), my youngest continues to homeschool (and try on adolescent attitude) and I run the Mom Taxi service, I am trying to practice detachment. 
It's so hard! I just want everyone to chill the f* out. Especially me. (Except, chill after you do your homework, 'K?)

Wine. Perhaps that the answer. I'll let you know

That Awkward Stage

I'm at an awkward parenting stage.  (Well, I'm pretty much always awkward - parenting or otherwise)  This is one of those times when I'm constantly questioning myself and my decisions.

Bit Boy at almost 16 seems nearly independent - making his own schedule, making (pretty good) choices, and generally acting like he's nearly an adult.  Is it appropriate to let him be so independent?  I think so, I think it's good for him to make decisions and live with the consequences - especially since they're fairly non-lethal at this point.  But I feel guilty for it to be so easy to parent him right now.  (Dear Universe, please don't take this as a challenge)

Hot Dog is an impish 9 year old, thrilled with his soccer team (undefeated, thank you very much Coach Joe!), his various lessons and classes, and generally a happy kid.  I worry that I don't give my youngest all the attention that he deserves, but I comfort myself with Firleord.  He was the 5th and last kid in his family.  I think his parents were tired by the time he came and they basically let him alone.  He turned out pretty damn good.

Lego Kid ....  is a bundle of contradictions.  He wants to go to school next year, but not leave the house today - or ever. He wants me to make him do things, but he doesn't want to do anything.  We unschooled until he was 11, at which point he told me "You're too easy on me.  You should make me do things."  So I asked him what I should make him do, we made a list, and now I "make" him do it.  ( I'm confused.  Is it still unschooling if it's at his request?)  He gets mad at me if he doesn't get his academics done, but resents when I make him do them.  I suppose I need to remember that he's 13.  This isn't personal.  If it's this hard for me to deal with him, how much harder is it for him to deal with himself?

But... it does make it more challenging for me to know what the right thing to do is.  My parenting philosophy has always been radical - I treat my children as rational people who know themselves better than I know them and so should have a fair say in their lives.

I have to admit that sometimes it's a mistake to assume they are rational, and that this may be one of those times.

Soccer Mom?

Well.  He went and did it.  Hot Dog (9yo) has made me a soccer mom. 

First, last fall he and Lego Kid begged for soccer, well after the start of the recreational season (of course).  I found a local class for beginners and signed them up for that instead.  That was enough for Lego Kid, but not for Hot Dog.  I got a "get out of jail free" card with winter.  Really, who can play soccer in the winter?  (Shush you 3 on 3 indoor players.  Gawd.  Look at me talking all soccer-y now.)

But, with spring upon us, I had no more excuses.  It was soccer season, and he really, really, REALLY wanted to play soccer - on a team, with other kids, and against other kids.  Lord have mercy.  I let him.  I signed him up, surprised at how affordable soccer is.  $95 for 2 practices and 1 game a week for 8 weeks.  That works out to just over $1/hr of soccer.  Wait.  That's 3x/week of soccer, for 8 weeks.  That's a lot of soccer I'll be driving to.  A lot of late dinners and early morning games.  (Somebody needs to saint me here)

Oh, and it's not so cheap as I thought.  It turns out that kids don't play shirts and skins, you need to buy a league jersey.  And a size 4 ball (we have a size 5, not good enough), and cleats (really?  Yes.), and soccer socks, to go over the soccer shin guards (well, those really are a good idea), and then of course Hot Dog really wanted special soccer shorts to go with it all.

He had his first practice last night and he LOVED it.  Hot Dog is incredibly fit, thin, and active.  Good thing, because not only is he tiny (at 9yo, size 8 is loose on him) but he has asthma.  Staying fit and keeping his lung capacity large will help him physically and mentally.

sigh.... so now he has jujitsu once a week, soccer 3x/wk, instrument lessons 2x/wk, and will have pottery 1x/wk for 5 weeks this spring.  I'm tired just reading that.

Remember when I said I would never be one of those parents who let their kids and family get over scheduled?  ya, it's some weird sort of cosmic justice.

Tax Day / Snow Day

Remember that nice weather in January?  When the kids were out in their shirt sleeves playing in the sand box?

Well, here is today:

This is what happens when you live in Colorado.  You can golf in January, and go sledding in April. There is at least 5 inches and it's still coming down steadily.  Up to 8 inches is predicted over night tonight.  I had a long list of errands that really had to get done today, but Mother Nature had other plans. 

Time to bake some bread!

Wishing for Grace

I find Christianity so very appealing.

I know now, today, why.

Today I am feeling so very guilty.  I want that lifted.  I want to take it back.  I want a do over.

Tonight Hot Dog pulled some attitude on me.  It's not new, it's been growing, especially recently.  This has been a hard week.  This last year has been hell.  He has not been getting the attention and direction he needs from his mom.  I fell down on the job.  Now it is a challenge to get us back to where we need to be.  It's hard on both of us.

So, when he pulled his attitude, I ignored it and kept on reading the story I started.  When I wouldn't do what he wanted he said "Then I might as well not have a story".  I told him I was sorry he felt that way.  I put away the book, moving on to the next bit of our bedtime ritual. He was beside himself.  "I take it back.  I'm sorry!"  I accepted his apology and told him we'd do better tomorrow, but that there would be no more story tonight.  "This can't be happening.  This is just a bad dream!"  He was frantic, bargaining with me, promising me everything he could think of to get what he wanted.  I know the feeling.  I wish I didn't.

I know that he wasn't really talking about the loss of his story this one night.  I think it was about the loss of his grandpa last week.  I think it was about his mom having cancer and cancer treatment last year.  It was about all the awful things that have happened that we can't take back, that we can't undo.

That's a very human feeling.  I wish I'd never had it.  I wish you hadn't, but I bet you have.  There are moments when you realize that something has changed, changed forever, and there is not. one. thing. you can do about it.  That moment when your innocence is stolen, you parents divorce, a parent dies, violence damages your body and spirit, a friend dies, illness forever changes your health, a child dies ...  Even worse are those moments you cause yourself, doing something that can not be undone, saying something you can never unsay, or worse, not saying what was in your heart, and then it's too late.

In those moments I've said "NO.  This is not happening.  This is just a bad dream.  I take it back.  I'm sorry.  I'll do anything.  Fix it! Change it back."

But it can't change back.  It never can.  It will never be the same.  There are somethings we can't change.  No amount of sorry or begging will fix it.

That's when I long for Christianity.  I long for forgiveness and Grace.  I can see the appeal of someone paying my penitence with the kind of pain I know I deserve.  I feel the desire for a way out, a path towards redemption.  I want to feel secure that it will all somehow, somewhere, sometime, work out and be better.

I've had a Jesuit priest tell me I'm a Christian, and a Baptist minister tell me I'm not.
I don't really care if I am a Christian or not.  I honestly don't think that if there is a god(dess) s/he will care what color my religion is or isn't.
I'll tell you what I do believe.

I believe that we don't get a do-over in this life.   We get one life, to live each day.  At the end we get our death.  The value of our life will be decided by the love we've given away and those who are able to pass it on.  If we want it to be better, we have to keep trying, in the here and now, to make it so.
We are human.  We will fail, but we must keep trying anyway.

I held Hot Dog while he cried.  I told him I loved him. We talked and I rocked him to sleep.  I did not read him his story.  I feel awful about that.  Yet, as a parent I know, he needs to learn -sometimes sorry can't fix it.  It's important to do our best to not have to be sorry.

When we are sorry, when it can't be fixed, it's good to have a shoulder to cry on and to know we are loved - human and fallible, and loved.

This post is for you

"Don't Beat the Children"

This is my hard times mantra, and honestly there are some days when that seems to be limit of my accomplishments - I didn't hit anyone today. (Talk about low standards!)

Last week a mom lamented to me "I was reading Amy's blog, and my kids aren't anything like that!" "My kids aren't motivated" "They aren't self starters" "They aren't miles ahead of their schooled peers." Man, I hear you. My kids aren't brilliant, perfectly behaved, or gifted beyond belief (at least not gifted in the things others would notice, is there a gifted category for "can make sound effects that rival Fred Newman"? How about "loud and irritating beyond belief"?)

So this post is for every parent who thinks they aren't good enough. See, bloggers are people too. We don't really want to air our dirty laundry. When we post there is a huge motivation to make everything look shiny. It's like writing your Christmas letter every time you blog. Do you really need to put in the bad days and misbehavior? Nah, we'd rather write about the successes.

So here's some dirty laundry - I am a terrible homeschooling parent. I have a child I don't know how to motivate,. He has behavior issues, or rather, misbehavior issues. He has so many things he likes to do, and is good at, but he breaks down as soon as something gets difficult. He asks for music lessons, but won't practice. He was in tears this morning just because I asked him if he would sit down just once this week and practice 5 minutes of piano. He loved doing the Science Fair last year, and loves science activities, but is balking at doing the Science Fair this year. I think it is safe to say he has performance anxiety.

The carrot and stick just don't work for this child. He would rather do with out any carrot than do something he doesn't want to do, or even something he likes to do if someone else wants him to do it. He will suffer any stick just on principles. (Not that I'm too good w/ a stick, sigh... maybe if I would just beat the children? ;-p) He loves to learn, hates to be taught, hates deadlines, has difficulty with transitions, and on and on. And time after time, I blow it. I get impatient. I lose my temper. The kid is beyond inconvenient. I wonder what on earth am I doing wrong?

And here's the answer, for me, and for you. Maybe I'm not doing anything wrong. Maybe he's having a hard time and I don't know how to help him. Maybe none of us really deserve the amazing little miracles our children are. Maybe there's no way to be perfect and deserving.

Our job is not to be perfect, their job is not to be perfect. Their job is to be kids, and our job is to help them be safe and move towards adulthood as best we can.

And not beat them. Today.

Chapter books for a 5 year old

Reading out loud has always been welcome by my younger children. Reading to a 5 year old is very enjoyable for me because at 5 they are able to listen to a longer story and follow more complicated plots. (Not that we're done with Dr. Seuss by a long shot!) My kids seem more sensitive to tension and suspense than some, so it's been challenging to find longer stories that aren't to scary to them. Here are some chapter books my boys have enjoyed around the age of 5 years old.

Winnie-the-Pooh and The House at Pooh Corner both by AA Milne. These are classic, and rightly so. These have been much requested recently for listening in the car.

The Teddy Robinson Storybook, by Joan G. Robinson is another great find with a stuffed bear for a character. It's got an entirely different flavor than Winnie-the-Pooh, and we like the interaction between Teddy and his little girl Deborah.

Milly Molly Mandy, and More Milly Molly Mandy, by Joyce Lankester Brisley. Each chapter of these stands alone as the not so scary adventures of a young British girl around the early 1920s.

My Father's Dragon and it's sequels by Ruth Stiles Gannett. In these books a child tells about the adventures his father had with a baby dragon. Fun, not too scary, but it does have a bit of suspense.

Twig, by Elizabeth Orton Jones is the gentle fantasy of girl who meets an elf, gets shrunk to his size, and the adventures that then commence. This was an unexpected find through Chinaberry, which has in depth book reviews to go with their offerings.

The Mouse and the Motorcycle, and it's sequels Runaway Ralph, and Ralph S. Mouse, by Beverly Cleary. This book is full of more tension and getting into trouble than many of the others listed here, but it's told in such a way that the kids have enjoyed it. Beverly Cleary is a treasure trove for children's books, but these are the favorites around here at this age.

My youngest is now 5. I'm so treasuring this time and these stories. My 8 yo still enjoys listening to these, so hopefully we'll be seeing these again in the coming years. I'm not ready to say good-bye!

Leave me a note and let me know some of your favorites. We've always got room for more good books.

Wanted: Normal Children.... nah

We're having a snow day today.



Yes. Even homeschoolers can have snow days, but they might not look like a school kids snow day. Actually, I don't think anybody's snowday could look like ours.
I'm pretty sure that's a good thing.

Setting the scene:
Me? I'm standing at the sink washing the fingerling potatoes we rescued from the garden a couple of weeks ago.


My 8 yo walks up to me to chat.

8yo: "Mom? What if there are free floating electrons? Are there ever electrons just hanging out but not attached to an atom?"

Me: "Yes, I think that's what electricity is, electrons moving."

8yo: "No, not moving. What if they're just floating around? Do they ever do that?"

Me: "Hey, are you going to build a snowman?"
(Notice how quick I am to get myself out of that one? There's more than one kind of smarts.)

8yo: "What about the electrons?"

11 yo walks up.

11yo: "My bomb just went off in the house. " (he sighs)

Me: "Did you clean it up?"
(I'm not too mad. Did you notice what a great distraction he provided? I'm not up to par with these #@! electrons.)

11yo: "I got it into the bathroom before it exploded. It could have been dangerous, but it was just messy."

Did you notice he didn't mention if he cleaned up?

8yo: "What would happen if there were free floating electrons?"

Me: "Do you need help zipping your coat?"

I still haven't looked at the bathroom.

We are on the road, drive across the country, staying with friends and family as we travel to the west coast for a sailing holiday. I am reminded again why it is worth all the effort to travel with kids.

We gain so much from this time. Of course, we get to see people we love, but live far from. My children met family they'd met before, some they remembered, some they didn't remember, and discovered the joys of playing with cousins their own age and being admired by a great-grandfather. We met up with dear friends continuing and strengthening those bonds. We've also met new friends. We've discovered that we have friends we just haven't met yet everywhere we go. It's wonderful to learn that the world is full of interesting and kind people.

We see places that are very different from our own home, yet we see the commonalities that all people share. It's fascinating to see how other people manage their lives. It's enlightening to see how many ways there are of being, to notice that our own way isn't the only way. It seems kind of old hat, these are things we all know to be true in the abstract. To experience it in person drives home the lesson in ways that a lecture or book just can't.

Of course there are things that aren't so great: tired and overwhelmed kids who can't hold it together one more moment, family drama and sorrows, the discovery that some situations/people can't be trusted. I'm learning that these are actually good things too. We learn how to cope with the less than perfect, we build resilience, and the knowledge that we are able to move beyond that and still enjoy what we have at that moment. That's a lesson that I want to remember!

Well, summer is over. Fall has set in. This was a sign.



When the boats are in the garage and on the ceiling, it's official.

This morning the little ones crawled into bed with me. When the "cuddle" had turned into more of a "wrestle" I innocently mentioned "have you looked outside to see the weather?" Oh my! The excitement, the squeals!

This light dusting of snow was met with an instant search for snow pants and boots. As my husband got up our 4 year old chanted at him "Daddy it snowed! It snowed! I'm going out side! I knew it would snow. I'm putting on my mittens and my boots. It snowed! I'm going to play in the snow. Daddy it snowed! I'm going to make a snowman!"

Balance

Interestingly I wrote this some time ago, and yet it is just as applicable today. How long ago I don't know, since I didn't date it. (Eye roll to self.) By the topics it must have been about 4 years ago! I'm posting it anyway because not only is it pertinent, but it's continuing timeliness is intriguing.

Balance is something I seem to find hard most the time. I'm one of those people who seem to throw themselves into something intensely for a while, and then do nothing for a while and then move on to something else. I can't keep my house clean and play with my kids. My garden grows full of weeds, then I threaten the roots of the desired plants by pulling all the over sized weeds that have grown up next to them. I ignore my houseplants until they wilt and then nearly drown them. It does evolve a certain amount of hardiness in the plants that survive, but I'm not sure it's the best method for children. I'm working on this--having the children is motivation, since they need consistency, and are consistently needy.

In their own way the children are also not consistent: They are clingy one day, independent the next, one day oatmeal cookies are wonderful, the next week, disgusting. Their interests change quickly also. Dinosaurs, electronic, airplanes, plants, gerbils, ... if I think I know what is their favorite topic for the moment I'm wrong. But there is one thing I can count on, their curiosity and enthusiasm. Is it their fault if I'm a step behind on the topic?

Without intention we seem to do “unit studies”. I don't design the studies, no outlines, designated projects or topics. But a video, commercial, or book might spark an interest that gets explored at the library. A pet might beget a project like the mini-pond in our front yard. A question about steam has lead to a discussion of the ideal gas law, Avogadro's Number and the history of chemistry, all supplemented by Internet searches. (It also postponed bedtime, which may have been the point!)

Maybe balance needs to be considered over a larger length of time. Maybe it isn't an absolute. A day or a week, or even a month isn't enough. We need years to look back and see if our lives were balanced enough.

Embracing all of life, even death

We've been pretty busy here. One of the things keeping me busy is that I've accepted a position helping with music in our children's worship services at church. This month we're working our way up to Dia De Los Muertos in November.

One of the songs we're singing is "Circle of the Sun". It's a great song about the life cycle, being born, living, and dying. I know that dying is a taboo subject for many people. It's certainly not talked about much in social situations. Yet, it is as important a part of our lives as birth. In our church we don't offer the comfort of a promised eternal salvation. We acknowledge and honor the many beliefs of world faith traditions, while respecting the independent search for truth of each individual.

I'm just singing with the kids, but here's what I'd say if I were speaking.

Who here was born? Ya? Me too!
Who has a family? Me too!
Who here is going to die? Me too!

Wait.
Did I see that some of your hands didn't come up so quickly? Why? I know you're going to die. I'm going to die. We will all die, someday. You. Me. Everyone here. Everyone we've ever known.

It's normal to feel sad and lonely when someone we know or love dies. It's normal to feel worried and scared to think about your own death or that of those you care about. But I want to tell you something.

IT'S OK. Dying isn't the worst thing that happens to a person. Those who have died are beyond pain and sorrow. It's those people alive who suffer when a loved one dies. When someone we care about dies - we hurt. We can see that other people are hurting too. Hurting is scary. Sometimes we don't know if the hurt will ever stop. We can feel alone and isolated in our pain. So when someone dies it's up to us to reach out to other people -to offer comfort - to ASK for comfort. When death takes a loved one we need to acknowledge that loss. We also need to be present in our community. We need to experience the human condition together, acknowledge our vulnerability and take solace in the company of fellow travelers.

Let's celebrate death as one more part of our circle of life. Death will come to us all. Let's not ignore it. Let's play with it. Play tag with it! Let's have so much fun, love so many so hard, that when death finally catches us, breathless and laughing, we have no regrets that we're finally "it".

I don't know how that would go down in Sunday school. But it's what I believe, and what in essence I've told our own children. It doesn't make the pain of loss any better. I don't think it takes away the fear of death. But I do think that acknowledging the place of death in life honors our lives far more than ignoring it.

It's not just me, is it?

I've had some people tell me they don't know how I do it - three "good" boys, homeschooling, always being a good mom.... Well, I do have three boys and we do home school, but they're not always "good" and I'm pretty far sometimes from being a "good" mom.

I thought I'd share this so that those of you who think that some of us have it all together learn that we ALL have those days...

This morning I'm using the restroom (I'm right in the middle of things, of course.) and not quite able to get up, when I hear the escalating sounds of unhappy 3yo. I shout "USE YOUR WORDS" and try to hurry up - some things don't hurry. I hear the 3 yo old screaming his angry scream. Then I hear the unmistakable scream of an older kid in pain, it goes on and on.... Finally I'm scrambling up, washing at light speed, buttoning my pants w/ one hand, and running out the door.

The 3yo had bitten the 10 yo old hard enough to break the skin and leave a huge bruise. Both were angry and indignant, and mad at ME for using the toilet and not preventing this.

Some days you just can't win, or apparently, use the toilet.

It's Official

I have 3 Right Brained Boys.

I had my doubts about our youngest (3). He seems so verbal, so able (for his age) to process linear thinking... But now I know. He's a performer, a writer, and possible anarchist, in the making.

He's been listen to his 7yo brother and me read the Captain Underpants series together. This has inspired him to tie an old red pj top of mine around his neck, strip to his underwear and run around being Capt. U. This is well within the range of normal 3yo behavior, in my experience. But then...

But then, today, he came to me and said "Did you know Captain Underpants has an evil twin?"
Me "?"
Him "Yes. And when you take off your cape and your underwear, then you're the evil twin" and then he showed us Captain Underpants EVIL TWIN.

So now you know. Beware the evil twin. ;-)

Camping!

We're having a busy summer here. I'm behind in posting my books I know, I've read more than are currently listed, but not much more! :-)

I have my nephews with me for three weeks this summer. My brother is serving his second tour in Iraq right now, and my sister-in-law is working on her M.Ed., trying to finish up, since he is expected back this fall. She needed some to put in some extra work this summer, and also wanted her kids to have a chance to get to know their Colorado relatives, so all of us in CO are taking turns having them with us. My goodness are they a handful!

I have three boys of my own, ages 10, 7, & 3. My nephews are 10 & 8. That means I have 5 (!) boys with me 10 and under. I'm 5 feet tall, (when I'm not quite telling the truth ;-) ), so picture me surrounded by a pack of boys, 3 of them nearly as big as me. Boy, you should see the way folks cringe when we troop into a store! We get lots of attention. "Are they all yours?" :-D This one cracks me up, since the two nephews call me "Aunty April" pretty often, and VERY loudly. Also, their mom is black, so they look noticeably different than my kids. To be fair, we could be a blended or adoptive family. Still, what am I supposed to answer? It could be a personal question. Maybe I was free and loose with my affections! We've had some fun with it. My husband told someone "We've got a couple of rentals". I like to say "They're mine today." But sometimes I want to say "Why? Want to make me an offer?" "I'll take $5 for the noisy one."

We just got back from taking them all camping up at Glendo. We brought our kayaks and sailing dingy too. It was very brave of all of us to do this. My nephews had never been camping. They came with their own gameboys and gamecube. They told me that they don't like to go outside. So our life style of hiking, camping, boating, etc,. is a bit ...ahem... new to them. We have never had 5 boys in our care, so that's pretty new to us. My oldest didn't help, what with talk of mountain lions and bears and rattle snakes. I could have strangled him when my nephews nervously broached the subject with me one bedtime and I realized the source of their mis-information. I was worried - you know how fast a camping trip can go downhill, even with experienced campers. Luckily we had no major mishaps, good weather, and lots of s'mores. The children all had a great time. I did too, something I'm trying to remember as I wade through the piles of smoky smelling laundry.

Well, ok, there was one mishap. But it didn't involve the kids. My husband took our sailing dingy out in a stiff breeze and tried a new maneuver on it. One can presume, since he came to shore on a power boat w/ the dingy in tow, that it could have gone better. Still, since there were no children with him at the time, he was wearing his PFD, and the power boaters didn't claim salvage rights, all was well in the end.

It's interesting how 5 nice boys which ,when taken individually, are each great kids, become a pack of misbehaving miscreants when spending any time at all together. I can't believe I had to explain why chanting "Bacon! Bacon!" loudly at a restaurant isn't ok, even if it is just a fast food place. Then there's the difference in socialization. My youngest has taken to copying his cousins' speech. "Ya, Riiiight" he says sarcastically. Aghhh!! I don't need that from a 3 year old.

But it does go the other way too. Being UU's my kids have a concern for the environment and took to picking up every bit of garbage they found at the park. It didn't take long before the cousins were helping and being taught which was recyclable and which wasn't. Unfortunately there was a lot of it, the 4th of July weekend having just passed. "Mama, lots of people must like this kind of soda" said my 7 yo holding up another empty Bud Light can. LOL!

Life with 5 boys is busy, noisy, exhausting, and, yes, fun. But I'm not sure I'll be doing it again any time soon!