Confession time

I have a dirty little secret.

I am not actually a nice person.  I try to be a nice person.  I act like a nice person, mostly because I try really, really, hard.  But  nice people don't actually have to try to be nice, they just are.  Deep inside I am a cold-hearted bitch.  I have been assured of that by more than one person. (Including my own mother, and you'd think she'd be in a position to know these things).


Take, for example, the crazy lady who verbally assaulted me at a recent church retreat.   She said I had been snubbing her, ignoring her when she waved hello, and turning my back on her in the social hall.  I honestly had no recollection of that and told her so.

She called me a liar, "You're not the only one.  Other people have been shunning me.  I know what I know.  And I'm very good with people, very good at reading them.  It's ok.  I'm over it now.  I know not everyone will like me."

It was my sense of humor that kept me in the moment.  I could laugh (internally!) at the discrepancy between her words and her actions. and use that energy to be kind to her, empathizing that it must have really hurt to feel excluded and asking what she felt would help.

What I really wanted to say was "Are we in fucking Jr. High?"  because that was the last time I had seen that kind of display.  As it turns out she had moved away for 3 years and had recently come back, and I didn't even notice (because, can we remember? I'm not actually that nice of a person).
In retrospect, she was probably right, I had been ignoring her.  Not ignoring her on purpose, but just -  not even noticing her existence, or lack there of.  Which, if you think about it, is even more insulting than making the effort to ignore her on purpose.

Here's what I do remember about her.  It was this same woman who several years ago during a shared meal on a group camping trip was trying to explain why it was so important that everyone should be vegan (like her).  It was impossible to change the subject, and finally she said "What if I ate your mother?"  Which made me laugh.  Unfortunately the image made me laugh out-loud, and my editor was so busy laughing too that I spoke, out-loud.

"Good luck to you!"

Lego Kid assures me that "The world isn't really ready" for my humor.
I beg to differ.  I'm funny, GDI.
I'm hilarious.  I'm a riot.
At least in my own head.

In the real world I'm too sincere and earnest, but in my head I'm snarky as all get out.
Lego kid tells me it's a good thing I don't generally say aloud everything that pops into my head.

He's probably right

Tonight's whine....

I am learning that there is no easy answer to improving the high school experience.

Homeschooled teen (back in the day) I'm bored, I want more teens to hang with, but gets to sleep in, do own projects, immerse himself in most recent passion. ( and later has no problem integrating into school setting)

14yo at traditional HS, has band, x-country, track, theatre, etc. but a boat load of pointless homework, no sleep, and more stress than is healthy or appropriate.

17yo at early college high school - no extras (like band, art, drama), but has college schedule, can sleep in, will graduate HS with 60+ college credits.
So, no matter what educational setting your kid is in, I salute you.

Good on ya for not strangling the kid or bashing the school!

As my 9th grader learns to "do" school, my 12th grader works through the college application process (at the same time as carrying a full college load), my youngest continues to homeschool (and try on adolescent attitude) and I run the Mom Taxi service, I am trying to practice detachment. 
It's so hard! I just want everyone to chill the f* out. Especially me. (Except, chill after you do your homework, 'K?)

Wine. Perhaps that the answer. I'll let you know