New things and old things

New: Soccer

So I did something that might turn out to be as dumb as that time a couple of spring breaks ago when I went mountain biking for spring break with the kids.  I joined a co-ed soccer team.

I've never played soccer.  Although, I was mistaken when I told my team last Thur at our first game, that it was the very first time I had ever played.  I remembered later that for Hot Dog's first soccer team, at the end of the season, there was a kids vs parents scrimmage I was on the field for. 

It turns out, not surprisingly, I kinda suck at soccer.  Also, I'm old, fat, menopausal, out of shape, have osteoporosis, and generally am better at laying on a couch reading a book than anything involving sports ball.

That said, despite our team loosing 13-0, only playing the first half, being not only wiped after that, but flat on my back the next day, I had a great time!   I liked it.  Mostly what I did was get in the way of the opposition as they tried to approach our goal.  Turns out I can do that, at least for a while.  I want to get better at actually moving the ball around.  Maybe, if I keep going, I'll even be not completely wiped after less than an hour of play.  But for now, I'm pretty happy to have had a good time and be on a team where not a single soul mentioned how I was the worst player, but rather a couple of team mates pointed out things I did right.  They're good people.

As a team member said "I'm glad you're doing something that is a stretch for you"

Old/New: Trip to Indiana to see family:
The very week after Hot Dogs school let out we drove to Indiana to stay at a house on a lake and visit with family near there.  It was lovely to see them again, they might not all like each other perfectly, but I like and love them.  I lucked out on the in-law thing, despite our political and religious differences.

And Indiana is beautiful.  It really is.  I had no idea.  It's lush and glorious, frogs chorus all night, there were ducks and swans on the lake.  I got to rescue a fledgling purple martin from the lake and take it back to what I was hopeful was it's home.  I can why it would be a good place to raise a family, although given all the Trump and anti-abortion signs I can also see why it would be a hard place to live too.

New:
Bit Boy graduated college in May (in 3 years, w/ honors - mama brag), moved into his own place in the big city an hour from here, and started a full on grown up job in June.  He's moving off our insurance, now I'm wondering when he can take his drum set with him. 

New:
Lego Kid graduated high school in May and will start engineering school in Aug.  I honestly didn't expect him to go into engineering, but I can see how if it works for him, he would be excellent at it.

New:
Hot Dog finished middle school in May and will be going to high school in the fall.  He continues on with his music and sports.  He's moved from being sure he was going to be lawyer to thinking he'll become a police officer, or join the military, or be a fireman, or maybe a scientist.  He's been focused on law since he was 8, so it's kind of a relief to see him being a kid.

Old:
We're still here, same home, Fire-Lord is still "retired" and working plenty of volunteer hours.  The garden still needs never ending work.  No family or close friend has died for a couple of years.  I kind of love that.

April and May Books

• The Book of Flora, by Meg Elison
• A Secret Rage, by Charlain Harris
• Day Shift, by Charlain Harris
• Night Shift, by Charlain Harris
• The Plague Tales, by Ann Benson
• The Heavens, by Sandra Newman
• Inside the Large Congregation, by Susan Beaumont
• Chocolat, by Joanne Harris
• Shadow of Night, by Deborah Harkness
• Team of Rivals, by Doris Kearns Goodwin
• Somebody I Used to Know, by Wendy Mitchell
• A Discovery of Witches, by Deborah Harkness
• Miniatures: The Very Short Fiction of John Scalzi, by John Scalzi
• Expanse Series, by James S. A. Corey

January, February, March Books

• Homebody, by Orson Scott Card
• One Hundred Wisdom Stories, by Margaret Silf
• The Mystery of Grace, by Charles de Lint
• The Suburban Micro-Farm, by Amy Stross
• Daring to Drive, by Manal Al-Sharif
• The Enchanted April, by Elizabeth Von Arnim
• The Wind in His Heart, by Charles de Lint
• The Miscalculations of Lightning Girl, by Stacy McAnulty
• Invisible Monsters, by Chuck Palahniuk
• Enchanted April, by Elizabeth von Arnim
• The Girl I Used to Know, by Faith Hogan
• 
  

Surviving adolescence (theirs)

14/15 is an .... interesting age for my boys.

Bit-Boy despised us for a while, in a pretty low-key way, especially after I had a talk with him about not challenging the silver-back.  At 20 he's back to thinking maybe his folks are ok.

Lego Kid, man, 15 was a killer for me.  He felt that I personally had ruined his life in every possible way, starting from birth until that very moment.  He also seems to have gotten over it (mostly),

And now, now it's Hot Dog's turn.  He's at the stage where he needs to be exactly opposite of whatever it is I am.  The other week he informed me that he is not a Unitarian Universalist.  I think I disappointed him, when as a good UU parent, I remained nonchalant.  His religion (or lack there of) is his business.  UU's think God is big enough to take it. Then a couple of nights ago he informed me that he will register as a Republican when it's time.  He looked defiant and hopeful.  When I agreed with the rational he shared, I disappointed him again.   I think he expected me to swoon, or swear, or something. (Imagining me making the sign of the cross and backing away from him fearfully perhaps?)

Then this afternoon on the way home from track practice...

I love that look of disgust on your teen's face when they realize that not only is Mom not shocked with your choice of music, but it is her jam.
And she can thrash, and will, while driving, you, in public.


Honey, I LIVED through the 80's.  Nothing you do is likely to shock or embarrass me.


You've got to

fight
for the right
to
par-tay!

Inherent Bias

I want to talk about implicit and systemic bias. My own.

I'm a small brown woman, a feminist, and a liberal.  I've appreciated the things I've read about Alexandria Ocasio Cortez.  I've loved reading her speeches and writing.

Yet, when I saw this video.....

When I actually *listened* to her speaking, I thought "She sounds so young, like a little girl"

The very pitch of her voice seemed to reduce her gravitas.
How she sounded distracted me from what she was actually saying.

If this is how *I* respond to someone I already appreciate, someone who I agree with on many points, can you imagine how an old white man would respond?

That is implicit, inherit, bias.  That's one thing that can lead to systemic bias.  If the very sound or sight of a person triggers you, how can you be thinking clearly about what they're actually saying or doing?

This is a reason that so many black and brown men are shot by police.  Why the justice system has a higher percentage of  black and brown bodies than their percentage in the general population.  If just seeing someone makes you feel afraid, aggressive, threatened, of course you're going to be more defensive around them.

It's not that most police are intentionally racist.  It's not that they want to treat people unequally. 
It's that they can't help their own reactions, anymore than I can help my reaction to AOC's voice.

We may never be able to not have these reactions.  It could be it's part of being human.

But here's something we can do.

We can notice it.  Notice how you react to people, especially when they're different from you and what you're used to.  Notice when they're in positions that seem unusual to you, a confident woman in power, a quiet man caring for a child, a black man in a white space.  We can be aware of this inherit bias. 

We can choose to openly acknowledge it.

We can choose not to act on it.

We can choose, to paraphrase Martin Luther King, Jr., to judge not based on color of skin (or pitch of voice), but on character.